Against Her Will

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Two

Temperance knew that she had to leave her room. She had left Tanner alone with Jackson and the thought of what that must make Tanner feel overwhelmed her.

Did he see his brother when he looked in the boy's eyes? And if he did, what did those memories of his brother make him feel? Did he feel guilt? Pain?

Temperance hoped not. She didn't want him feeling that kind of guilt. Jackson was so much better off than he would have been if Trevor had been allowed to live. Truthfully Jackson probably would have never been born--Trevor would have beaten Temperance and killed the babe before it had ever breathed its first breath.

Truth was that most people whispered, talked and gossiped about the possibility that Jackson was in reality Tanner's child. Jackson looked more like Tanner than he did Trevor and Temperance never corrected anyone when she heard the rumors. She only wished that those rumors could be reality.

Temperance stepped outside and headed toward the pony barn. Maternal instinct told her that's where her son would be showing off his pride and joy to a new set of eyes.

She entered the barn and her eyes adjusted to the dark quickly. Jackson was standing on the middle rung of his pony's stable gate and Tanner stood beside him with one large hand on Jackson's low back as if to keep him from falling.

The scene was surreal. Dust motes floated gracefully in the sunlight streaming through the windows as the two of them stood side by side with their backs to her. Then, as if he knew she was there, Tanner turned slowly and his eyes met hers. Quickly, Temperance averted her gaze. She no longer looked people in the eye.

"He loves showing off that pony," Temperance stated awkwardly, desperate to end the oppressive and overwhelming silence.

Jackson hopped off the gate and ran to her with a bright smile splitting his freckled face. "Mommy!" he exclaimed.

His little arms wrapped around her and Temperance wrapped one of her own arms around him. "I'm sure Tanner is quite tired, Jackson. Why don't you go let Wilma know he is sure and help her prepare him a room?"

"Okay, mommy. If I do, can I ride Storm?"

"We'll see," Temperance replied, ruffling his hair. She wished she could give him a smile but it simply wouldn't come--not with Tanner standing so close and watching so intently.

Jackson nodded, threw Tanner a smile and then took off out of the barn and into the sunlight.

Silence fell once he was gone. Temperance stared at Tanner's boots and she could feel his eyes burning holes into her. Uneasiness gnawed at her gut and yet for some reason that fear that normally overwhelmed her when she found herself alone with a man did not come.

Regardless of the years that had passed and the ways life had changed she knew that this man would not hurt her.... This was Tanner.

"How are you here?" she finally managed to whisper.

"Are you asking me or my feet?" Tanner asked quietly.

Temperance moved her gaze up to his face. He was so handsome and appeared so strong. A firm jaw covered in stubble, soulful blue/gray eyes and thick dark blond hair that seemed to have just been cut. He was no longer pale, thin or near death in appearance. He appeared healthy and well rested--it seemed a terrible thing to think but it seemed that prison had been good to him.

Ten feet separated their bodies and Temperance longed to close the distance and simply be near him. Being near him had always made her feel safer somehow. So long ago she had let Tanner become her safe place and she longed to let him be that once again...

But that wouldn't be fair to him. Not after everything she had already cost him.

"Temp, are you afraid of me?"

"No," Temperance replied honestly.

"Good." Tanner tipped his head. "I'm sorry I surprised you... I guess I shouldn't have. Patrick Starr worked hard and got my sentence reduced."

"There should never have been a sentence," Temperance stated as she crossed her arms over her chest and swallowed back emotion.

"Does that boy know who his father is and what happened to him?" Tanner asked quite unexpectedly.

Temperance averted her gaze once again and walked to her favorite mare, a dapple gray with blue eyes that she had named Misty. "Of course he doesn't. He is only four and so far hasn't asked any questions."

Silence once again reigned as Temperance patted the mare on the neck and kept her back to Tanner. She heard his boots scuffle across the floor and tensed just before his hand landed gently upon her shoulder. "He's a good boy, Temperance. You've done a good job with him."

"I wish I could do better," Temperance admitted, letting out a shuddering breath. "He deserves a mother who can laugh and be lighthearted with him...."

"He loves you and it's clear you've given him love. And you can be those other things, Temp."

Hearing that nickname spoken in that warm voice was like a balm to Temperance's battered soul. But she hardened herself against that comfort and shook her head as she pulled away from him. She walked several steps and swiped at her face with the back of her hand before squaring her shoulders, raising her chin and turned back to face him. "No, I can't. Those things were taken from me a long time ago."

Tanner's blue/gray eyes were full of so much sadness as he gazed at her that Temperance found herself swallowing hard against the pain it caused. "You can't do that, Temp. You can't let those men win--don't let them destroy you..."

"It's much too late for that, Tanner." Temperance had to get away from him. The vast barn was suddenly too small and there was not enough air to breathe or room to move.

Temperance backed toward the door and held her hand up when Tanner attempted to step toward her. "I have work to do, I'm sorry.." she mumbled quickly. She managed to meet his gaze again and tipped her head. "Welcome home, Tanner," she added before turning and dashing away as quickly as she could without running.