Aludra | Book Two |

Chapter 4

Thank you all so much for your patience! 

Enjoy! 

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Aludra spent much of the week cut off from everyone else, too ashamed to be her normal self. Perhaps if she'd been prepared for what happened during puberty, she wouldn't be filled with so much self-hate little self-esteem.

Instantaneously, every little imperfection that she had previously overlooked was all she could see when she looked in the mirror.

Angry, red pimples began to appear all over her forehead and chin. Hair was beginning to grow in places other than her face and head. From time to time, Aludra would stand in front of the mirror in her undergarments, scrutinizing every lump, roll and dimple on her body. She felt sick to her stomach when she acknowledged the stretch marks on her hips, stomach and backside, resembling purple worms. Why couldn't she be petite and pretty like Fay? Why couldn't she have luscious, straight hair like Pavarti? Why did her eyes have to be such a dull brown, when Lavender's were a brilliant blue? Why couldn't she have perfectly shaped eyebrows like Hermione's?

For the first time in her life, Aludra truly felt ugly.

She didn't tell any of her school friends how she felt. What was the point? They wouldn't understand, they would probably laugh at her and call her a crybaby. The only person she could confide in was the one she trusted to keep all her secrets and darkest fears between them, the one who promised that she'd never have to feel alone or unimportant again.

Dear Tom,

You said I could tell you anything, right?

Of course you can. I am your confidant, after all. What seems to be plaguing your mind?

I hate myself. I hate every single last thing about myself, from my humongous thighs to my fat stomach that jiggles every time I take a step. My body is changing in so many different ways I didn't even know was possible. Suddenly, my hips have widened and I've reached the 'child-bearing' stage of puberty. Hair is growing all over my body and sometimes I just get so angry over the silliest things, or I feel like bursting into a million tears for no reason. I feel so ugly, Tom, and I've never felt like this before. I'm constantly surrounded by beautiful girls who unknowingly flaunt their perfections right in my face, mocking me. I wish I wasn't fat. I wish I was beautiful.

Dearest Lulu, you mustn't think like that! There is absolutely nothing obscene associated with having a little weight on you. You're only twelve, Lulu, and your body is still developing. All of what you have at the moment is baby fat, and I promise you that you will grow into a beautiful young woman when the time is right.

I'm happy you think that, Tom, but you're the only one who understands. My brother would always tell me that no boys would ever fancy me if I didn't lose weight, but my mother always told me that he was being silly. Now, I'm starting to agree with him.

And why is that?

There's a boy I like, Oliver Wood. He's the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team and he's sixteen. He's very handsome and has lots of muscles, but he won't even look at me! He's always talking to prettier, older girls who are athletic and witty. Why would someone like him ever have feelings for someone like me?

I am in fact sixteen years of age, and I think that any boy would be lucky to call you his own. Although I have never seen what you look like, I can determine from your personality that you are beautiful inside and out.

You're sixteen?

Indeed. You sound surprised.

I am! Your diary says 1942, so I could only assume that you'd be older than sixteen.