I Hate to Rain on Your Parade But I'm a Cloud That's My Job (Poetry Chapbook)

TheWatermelonWarrior: An Inventory of Being

AN: THIS IS BASED ON THE POEM "ELLIE: AN INVENTORY OF BEING" BY ELEANOR WAIT. I ALSO TECHNICALLY WROTE THIS ALMOST A YEAR AGO, NEAR THE BEGINNING OF 2017. AS SUCH, DETAILS LIKE MY AGE AREN'T 100% ACCURATE, BUT IT FEELS MORE GENUINE IF I DON'T CHANGE IT. ONTO THE POEM!

I am TheWatermelonWarrior

I am eighteen years old.

I am still in high school
Even after my friends have moved on without me
I'm stuck in the past
Yearning for the future.

When I slouch I am 63 inches tall.
I have grey eyes splattered with flecks of amber
And long tangled brown hair
Which I'm too lazy to brush everyday
But still refuse to cut.
Sometimes I twist it into a braid in an imitation of maturity
Or I wear it in a high ponytail and I return to the days
When I used to go to a sweltering cheerleading gym twice a week;
The days I wish I'd never left behind.
Or I just let it droop
Limp against my shoulders.

I've never had a job;
Not because I don't want one
But because I'm so certain I'll be rejected
That I never even try.

I'm afraid of the dark,
Bugs, spiders, heights,
Roller coasters, bridges, failure,
Success, dogs, water, and
Some other things
That I'm too frightened to admit.

I'm not superstitious, but
I never forget to knock on wood.

I love the smell of Kraft Dinner and petrichor
But perfume gives me migraines.

I like stale nachos and fresh pizza.
I think I'm allergic to chocolate
But I eat it anyway.

I worry so much
That my worries have worries
And I worry about how much I worry
Until I can't remember why I was so worried in the first place.

I like tea with too much sugar
And I'm pretty sure that I hate coffee with a burning passion.
I like raisins but not in cookies.

I secretly miss my childhood nightmares.

Winter is my favourite season
Mostly because it kills all the bugs, and
I hate summer but I like flowers
And I look forward to summer vacation.

I love having painted nails but
I hate how long they take to dry.

I like to put on dresses and suits
But only when nobody sees me wearing them.

I love hoodies and turtleneck sweaters and
I don't care much for makeup and jewelry.

I like boys and
I like girls, but
I fall for both too easily.
I want a partner to share my life with,
But I fear I will never find them.

I desperately want to be remembered, but
At the same time
I always hope that nobody is looking.

I've never been kissed.

I don't believe in god, but
I celebrate Christmas anyway and
I've given up on explaining why.

I love to debate politics, but I don't think I can make a difference.
There's billions of humans on this planet,
Somebody else will figure it out.

I collect rocks for reasons I don't understand and
I've lived in a pigsty for so long I don't notice anymore.

I'm crazy about ice cream so cold it freezes my brain and
Chicken noodle soup so hot it burns my tongue.

I don't care about others flaws, but
Everything I do has to be perfect;
And I love going on vacation, but
I hate being away from home.

I love fuzzy slippers shaped like animals and silky pajamas and
Getting covered head to toe in paint.
I like popcorn kernels more than pretzels.
I love cats, dragons, and unicorns.
I read J. K. Rowling, J. R. R. Tolkien, and E. D. Baker.

I still flinch when I hear the word
Spaz
Even though I haven't been called one in over seven years.

I love wind and puddles and snow angels.
I love the rush of performing for an audience
But I wish it didn't make me so anxious.

I like music, but I hate parties.
And I like McDonalds, but I refuse to eat at Burger King.

I love and hate being alone in equal measure.
I believe what I am told until something contradicts.
I've always wanted to be an author,
But I don't want to starve to death.

Cheesy chick flicks and bad movies are my guilty pleasures and
I only like commercials during the super bowl.

I like FM radio and
I distrust all TV news channels by default.

I like when people trust me with their secrets.

I like diaries with locks and
Taking pictures of things that inspire me and
Making stop motion videos with origami and clay.

I adore video games, but I hardly play them anymore.
I hate horror but love Dead Space
And I like easy games but I really want to try Bloodborne.

I never eat enough
And I exercise even less
Because I'm never hungry and
I'm perpetually tired.

I wish I knew how to make up my mind
I wish I could think before I speak.
And I wish I didn't have to take medicine every day to function.

Sometimes I wonder if people actually like me,
Or if they just tolerate me.

I always remember faces and never names.
Roses are my favourite even with their thorns.
I want to make a Let's Play,
But I suck at video games.

I want somebody to understand how I feel,
Because I sure as hell don't.

If I won the lottery I would go to the arctic
And watch the northern lights.
I would go as far from civilization as possible
Just to see the stars.

I live my life expecting little from the future
Because I'd rather be a surprised pessimist
Than a disappointed optimist.

I like to think I'm funny, but
Sometimes I wonder
If people only laugh to make me feel better.

I hate political correctness.

I spent twelve years in French Immersion and
Still barely speak the language

I like people who don't blame everything on
The colour of their skin
Or their gender
Or their sexuality
Or their religion.

I like people who understand that everybody faces challenges;
And people who realize that stereotypes don't help anybody.

I think I'm in love, and she can't love me back.
It hurts, but that's okay.

I love listening to the birds in the morning, but I hate getting up early.

I hate that I will never know what happens after I die.
And, more than anything, I'm terrified of whatever happens next.

People call me TheWatermelonWarrior, and this is 2017.