This is not-okay
This is what they call bittersweet.
It is not as lovely as it sounds.
It is not walking through a pretty meadow
with a sad look on your face for the camera.
This is what they call steadfast,
but it is not soldiering on.
It is not weathering out a storm.
This is what they call hopeful,
but it is not seeing the silver lining.
This is life.
This is telling your husband goodbye
and hoping he can find a place to stay.
This is believing him when he says he won’t sleep in his car.
This is hoping the job works out,
and the kids find friends at their new school,
and you can sell the house for more than you owe.
This is real tears,
real brave faces that are completely false.
This is really leaving—
saying it and meaning it and doing it.
This is owning it.
This is your heart breaking a little.
This is being not-okay for a little while.
This is stepping into a gulf of darkness
and believing there will be light.
