Capture My Heart (BK3: Niall Horan)

-Ch 47: Prizes.

“I don’t want to talk about it, him.”

She laughed then, incredibly bitter and an absence of humour. Her laughter seemed to go right though me, bruising as it did so. “Then why are you here? God, you really are a piece of work, I am quite surprised he put up with you for that long.” I said nothing, biting my lip I looked away. “Tell me, does it feel bad to know that all he did was love you and you did that to him?”

“Why would I tell you anything like that?”

“Because I’m the first person you came to after you didn’t have him anymore, after you left – metaphorically – with his heart. God, I do need to stop reading romances, but beside the point, does it make you feel bad? Because I’ve learnt to look past the negatives, because in reality you’re probably doing them a favour, I’ve done you so many favours over the past year Ash.

“I’m very proud of you; really, the way you handled it all tonight was a real representation of how far you’ve come. It was for the best, you both needed out as much as each other.”

She gestured for me to sit, and I foolishly did so, it seemed as if with all her seeming intelligence I had become easy to crumble under her influence. “Nothing is out yet, nothing’s final, you haven’t won anything and I’ve lost nothing but my sanity, and I don’t think that’s anybody’s fault but mine.”

“Your sanity? Oh God, I know things have been a little intense lately Ash, but I’m not sure Niall was ever smart enough to completely strip you of that. And me? In reality I haven’t really done that much, it’s all the little things – they build up, don’t they?”

“I…I have no idea. I have no idea what’s going on. I’m tired, I’m so fucking tired, but I’m not just tired because it’s been a long day, because I’ve ruined so much, I’m tired of everything. God, I can’t even-“

“Then sleep.” She suggested, as if this was the most supreme of solutions, and it would fix everything just like that.

“What?”

“Sleep.” She repeated, in the same calmness, almost an exact replica of how she had pronounced it before.

“I- I don’t…I have to-“

“You don’t have to do anything Ash. You’ve done what needed to be done, it’s not about him anymore, it’s about you. The least you could do is get yourself some sleep when you need it. People like you need to think about yourselves more often, you can’t live life for other people, you should always put yourself first, he doesn’t deserve to be first.”

“He did nothing wrong!” I exclaimed, so much so of an exclamation – I was a little taken aback myself. It seemed that it was all grounding now, becoming real.

“Exactly,” she agreed, by this time she had already fetched a blanket from the cupboard and was draping it over me. “If he can do nothing wrong, and it can still go this badly, then clearly he was never really worth it in the first place. Was he?”

I didn’t reply, I wasn’t even really sure I had heard her correctly. It didn’t take that long to lose consciousness – but the feeling of numbness didn’t seem to leave in the state of slumber – I was subject to believe it never would.

-

Niall Horan:

“Niall!” My whole body seemed to flinch at the sound of a human projected noise. My head felt very heavy even when it was being solely supported by my arm that was dead with pins and needles and possibly a cushion, a little less like a head would be expected to feel. I noticed that parts of my body such as my legs and stomach were a little cold – not extremely so, but there were definitely goosebumps there. My hair kept on stroking my eyelid and it was becoming increasingly annoying, I concluded it would be a good idea to reposition, but I didn’t want to involuntarily push Ashley out of the bed that didn’t really feel like a bed.