SMOSH EXPEDITION: The Secrets of Sacramento (Book Six)

Chapter One - I Spy

Billy Hamburger

   It was another day in the suburbs of Sacramento, California. Everyone has started turning in for the night as temperatures began to drop near freezing, the coldness of the winter solstice could be felt even in one of the hottest places in America.

   It was the most wonderful time of the year, my favorite season where I get to receive gifts from people and in return give them gifts. It was the time when families gather for an evening by the fireplace, enjoy movies and what not.

   I sat there by a tall pine tree our family had set up, eagerly waiting for fat old man in a red suit to slide down the chimney.

   "What the fuck are you doing?" Charlie's raspy voice erupted from the hallway behind me.

   I turned around, seeing Charlie on the carpeted floor looking at me with his adorable black eyes.

   "I'm waiting for Santa Clause to come to our house, silly!" I said with a wide smile on my face.

   "You do realize that Christmas won't be until twenty days, right?" He

I shrugged, trying to brush it off, "I know, it won't hurt to be prepared."

   Charlie let out a loud sigh, "Instead of just waiting for some imaginary overweight old poof to slide down that fake-ass makeshift chimney, why don't you help me practice?"

   I stood up, "Practice for what?"

   "My scene for the new Smosh video. It's called, Cannonball Charlie for the Charlie the Drunk Guinea Pig 4." He explained, "We're gonna use the t-shirt cannon to launch me across the room."

   "Isn't that a bit dangerous?" I said, afraid and hesitant.

   "Poof, I've been through three life-threatening situations the past three years, I've been stabbed countless times by Ian for stealing Antoinette from him, crushed by an Easy Step cinder block, hurled against the wall, and launched from a vacuum cleaner riding Mr. Stabby to catch the Landlord who was a North Korean spy for Kim Jong Il."

   "Hmm, true." I agreed, "Those expeditions were crazy as hell."

   Then I remembered that it was only three months since we've discovered the Rainbow Lollipop.

   Ian and Anthony rarely visit us now, they've been busier since October since they have launched a new slew of videos uploaded everyday which, consequently, further cramped up their already busy schedule.

   They come over to Sacramento for three or four days every month to mostly shoot a video for their channel, and then leave immediately without dropping by to say hi. Plus we could not visit them like we used to, all I know was that they've been doing reshoots for their new movie, weirdly called as Ghostmates.

   Ian and Anthony told me a few details about it, they said it would be releasing on the ninth of December this year.

   Now that they need us for a video shoot, I was more than thrilled to see them again, maybe spend time with them to catch up with the current happenings in their lives.

   "Billy! Hey!" Charlie said, snapping me out of my trance, "Are you fucking reminiscing again? Because I could see it in your face, that looking up at the ceiling, head tilting from side to side lost in thought."

   "Was I?" I narrowed my eyes, dumbfounded, "Let's go practice for your stunt."

   "Let's." Charlie turned around and led the way back into my room where he had already gathered up the things needed.