Above All Else

Chapter Twenty

My gaze shift to the letters beside my thigh, all of them addressed to Alexander. They are for various moments in his life, significant moments that I'd want to be there for. There's only one addressed to Henry, it was the hardest one to write.

I can't seem to come to terms with the fact that I may be about to die. That I may never see the blue sky again or run through the grass barefoot. That I may have just held my son for the last time. That when Henry walks into this room, it will probably be the last time I speak to him.

I feel unprepared to die. But I guess most never do.

I do feel content though, I feel content with what I have.

I've had a love that champions even the most daring love stories. I've felt the magic of holding my son for the first time, seeing him smile for the first time. I've had so much sadness, but that pales to the light Henry has given me.

And I need him to know that.

He opens the door, only moments after I think just that, smiling hesitantly.

"Twenty minutes," he states. I take down my mask, holding my hand out against the mattress. He seems to shuffle where he is for a moment, visibly terrified but eventually comes to me, sitting down at the chair beside the bed.

He kisses my hand, his lips hard against my knuckles. He kisses my hand repeatedly, breathing in deeply. I notice the water in his eyes then as he stares ahead, unable to look at me.

"Henry," I whisper.

"No," he says, shaking his head. I smile.

"Look- at me."

His eyes flicker to mine, reluctantly. I squeeze his hand with what little strength I have.

"I want to say thank you," I whisper, hoarsely. I feel pain everytime I speak. His eyes seem to widen. He stands up in a rush, shaking his head. He knows what I'm doing.

"No, Mia. You're not doing this. You're not saying goodbye."

I implore him with my eyes. I know that my body is weak. I can feel the weakness of my heart. "I have to. Henry- there is... a good chance I won't live through this."

"You will!" he exclaims, eyes wide. He's nearly hyperventilating.

"I can see- by your eyes that... you know I probably won't either... let me say what I need to."

"No, Mia," he utters, deep, closing his eyes. "Please."

"Come here," I whisper, coughing. "Come."

He raises his hand to his face, covering it. He's falling apart. He nods and walks to me, sitting back down. He takes my hand and I hear him swallow.

"I can't say a lot... I can't say everything I want to but... I have to t-tell you what you mean to me. Because I'm n-not dumb. I know what we have isn't normal. Isn't usual..."

He shakes his head, biting down on his lower lip. "No, it's not."

"I-I keep thinking about w-when we first met," I laugh, breathlessly, "when we drove all night, listening to music and waking at d-dawn in our place... in the middle of nowhere. We had no idea where we were going to go... what we would be to each other."

I begin to lose my cool facade as I watch him look down, trying to calm himself. "You have given me everything I could have ever wanted. You've made sacrifices for us that only p-prove further to me that... you are one hell of man, Henry... and you are going to be one hell of a king."

He sounds gutted then, pressing my hand to his face. He can't look at me.

"You- you have brought me such light, baby," I whisper when he finally looks back at me, his face controrted in pain. "You have brought s-so much happiness to my life. And I would do this- all again, every bit of it because the reward o-of being loved by you is so great."