A series of goodbye letters written over the course of a month, to her dying lover in the hospital waiting room.
************
Amelia is a girl who lives in her bubble, surround...
You took hold of my hands and made me get up from my crate and sit between your legs on the bigger crate my back facing you. Your gentle breathes were warming the back of my neck and the hairs on my neck were standing on an end. It was quite warm but the pedestal fan worked well for its condition. And so I sat there in your arms while you woke every sense in your wake. You sang every song you knew in my ear and lulled me to sleep.
When my eyes fluttered open, I woke up to a new sun. We had slept through the night. We were still in that shed but we weren't alone. Our friends had found us and also in the most compromising position ever. You lying on your back on the wooden crate with me snuggled in your arms like a burrito. It was scandalous and we had a lot of explaining to do. But aside from all the embarrassment I have to admit it was one of the best night's sleeps I've had in a while. Because of our sleeping position our friends jaws were left hanging open and Mia raised her eyebrows to the extent I feared they might meet her hairline.
You looked so serene while you slept. Not like you do now. Now you just look dead. Rebecca and Mark cleared out their throats which made us jump out of our skins and we looked at each other abashedly. Without any response to their raised eyebrows, we carried the log back to the cabins, walking behind them.
It was the first night of the trip and we had already diminished any distances between us. If things were to escalate at this rate for the next 13 days, I was afraid I might lose myself.
The next day was spent trying to avoid any confrontation from our friends. We made up lies, white lies. That we were locked and fell asleep on different crates and in our sleep shifted towards each other to keep warm. It was enough to quite them down but not quite. We were glared at. Mark, Mia and Rebecca smirked at us as if we were doing something scandalous. Aileen, Stella and Stacy were no better either. They didn't peck me openly but would slide in snide comments to tease me.
It was scandalous! It was scandalous because people knew. But if they didn't ............................?
So we found an alternative. We were high school graduates for crying out loud. We were going to college in the fall. The future was unclear and all we knew was living in the moment and living to the fullest. We sneaked out in the night when everyone else was asleep. It seemed we liked being away from everyone, in our own self-created bubble.
So the next day, you told me to meet you in a secluded part of the beach. It was hidden by giant rocks. At midnight, I was pacing back and forth, waiting for you to come.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
After pacing near the entrance for half an hour, you came waltzing in. The expression I gave you must've explained everything because you justified your late arrival as helping Mark out with tomorrows lunch.
Then in the dark of the night, my hand firmly clutched in yours, you took me through the small archway created by two rocks. Inside was a small portion of the sea. It was a sight to withhold.
You made us sit on the edge of the archway rock, so our feet dipped into the water. It was a magical night. It was like we were itching to be together somewhere private and now that we were here; we spun tales of our unprecedented affections towards each other. I thought we were just friends. Wasn't that what you were reassuring yourself about? At the end of the night, when the candles we had lit died down, you again surprised me. In the dying light of the candles you moved closer and closer till your coarse lips imprinted a feather light kiss on my cheek. It wasn't a quick happened-or-didn't –happen moment. Your lips lingered there for a few seconds, your eyes shut because you were again going against the contract that was never spoken of but existed between us.
My body was stiff and cold. Our close proximity scared me to death. Partly because there was no guy before you and partly because I knew that if we stayed like this a bit longer I would surely find out about all the primal instincts of a female body. As your lips left their mark upon my virgin skin, your eyes searched for mine for any trace of anger.
The warmth that your body gave off as you walked me back to my cabin in the light breeze of the sea; I knew I would long for that warmth again in my life.
Today, I tried to find that warmth when I held your hand but your fingers were cold as stone, just like my heart. They were so lifeless as if you were already dead, like my heart.
Please wake up "J"!
Yours longingly,
A.
P.S:-I love you! I know it's too late but I needed to say it. I eternally, truly, deeply, madly, out of this fucking universe love you. If only you could hear me say these words.
