The Goth Next Door | e.g ✔︎

18

The bell rings for early practices and I walk towards the greenhouse. My bag leaning on one of my shoulders. 

"Aubery, wait," Eli yells. I heard him not far behind me. 

I sigh, "I have to talk to Coach before school starts."

"I come in peace, with breakfast sandwiches. Please, can you let me explain." He says. He had caught up to me and was right behind me. 

"Speak," I say still walking. 

"I shouldn't have read your diary,  I love you so much that I don't think straight sometimes. But I was wrong and I'm sorry." He responds. I smile to myself.

"Apology accepted," I say stopping outside the greenhouse. I turn to face him. He had two cups of hot drinks in a cup holder in his hand and a bag full of sandwiches. 

"We won't thinking straight when school started so if you loved Dallas." He states. I roll my eyes and look at him. 

"Dallas was and is a friend. I am not in love with him, I didn't even really know what love was when I wrote that." I announce. He smiles. 

"Did I mention I am sorry?" He says, he grins. 

"I love you so much sometimes I can't think straight either. That's why the other day when I was joking about us taking the next step I think I was serious." I suggest, he looks me up and down.

"You think you were or you were?" Eli asks.

"I was, I was. I definitely was." I smile.

"Okay, then let's go eat breakfast and make a plan." He smiles back. He gives me a light kiss.

He takes the lead and walks. He looks towards the greenhouse before dropping the things in his hand. Making the drinks splatter. 

"Eli?" I asked looking towards the greenhouse. Before I could look properly Eli spins me around and covers my head. 

"Don't look." He says. "Just go find a teacher and call 911 okay. Go." He whispers in my ear. He lets go of me and I turn to see but again he interrupts me. 

"Aubery Now." He yells. I could hear he was dead serious. I run off towards the door and inside. Leaving my bag and Eli there. What did he see that involved me calling 911?

☾☾

Dallas, me and the team stood in Mr Simpson's office. His words were faded, mainly because my head was somewhere else. How can someone be there one day and gone the next?

"As the news spreads about Cambell, please let your friends know there is a team of councillors here to help the school through this difficult time. There is no right way to respond to a suicide, some of you might feel sadness, grief, anger, guilt. Other's may be less effective. All of these emotions are completely normal. But no matter how you feel. The best thing you can do is stay open, talk to your parents, your teacher, friends. And more importantly, listen to what others have to say. Just know that you're not alone." One of the councillors announce. 

I don't know what emotions were in my head. I saw him yesterday, a smile on his face and he gave me a huge hug. How was he gone? I am sorry I let you down, Cam. I am sorry I didn't listen more. Forgive me. But you can't because you are no longer here.

I won't hear his voice, see his smile, laugh and hug him again. Cambell Saunders is dead. 

☾☾

I sat silently in an empty classroom. Eyes shut and breathing heavily. My headphones in my ears, sad songs playing. Songs Cam gave me. I blocked myself out all day even though the counsellor said to stay open. I just didn't wanna talk to anyone. 

They were holding a candle vigil for Cam at the school tonight. I couldn't attend. My mind was not in the right place for something sad. Cam wasn't like that anyway, I had his parents and family in my head. He was homesick and he loved his family. How they felt right now, I couldn't even imagine. 

"Eli said he saw you walk in here." I hear Adam's voice lightly come to my ears. I hadn't talked or seen Eli since this morning. He was upset, I mean it must have been horrible seeing someone he didn't know that well hanging there, empty but heavy with so much to live for. He saw Cam's lifeless body. I couldn't even think what he was going through, he probably won't be able to sleep without seeing it. But I couldn't help Eli, I was emotionally unstable and when I am like that it would be no use. 

"How is he doing?" I ask as Adam sits next to me. I pull one earbud out and stop my music. 

"Fine. I am more concerned about you right now." Adam states. I look up at him. His eyes lost and mine even more lost. 

"I am okay Adam. I just need time." I claim. He grabs my hand and leans his head on my shoulder.

"I once got told something by a wonderful person. It is not good to run away from your problems." He repeats my words, I look down at him on my shoulder.

"He is gone, Adam. I can't hug or laugh with him. How do you pass this?" My voice light, breaking in every second word. 

His head comes up and faces me again. "You pass this with us. You aren't alone A. We don't need to rush, take your time but I know who will help. Eli and you need to talk. I have never seen you two get pass something as bad as this by yourself, you always have one another." Adam acknowledges. I kiss him lightly on the forehead and stand up. I throw my bag on my shoulder and walk out of the classroom.

☾☾

I knocked on his door lightly before opening the door and walking in. He was in bed facing the wall looking like he was asleep. I shut the door lightly and walk towards his bed. He spins around eyes open and jumps. 

"Aubery?" He asks, I sit on the bed. 

"Cece let me in," I say. He sits up shirtless and rubs his eyes and smiles lightly. 

"You staying the night?" He asks, I pull my shoes off and he pats the bed. I slide in and pull the warm covers over me.

"I'm scared Eli," I replied. His hand slides down and holds mine. 

"He is gone Eli and I feel some part of me is empty," I claim, Eli kisses my forehead. 

"I'm scared too, every time my eyes shut I see him. I didn't even know the guy and it is affecting me." He reveals. I place my head on his bare chest. 

"We can get past this together right?" I ask. He breaths in and then out.

"Of course. I love you." He states. 

"Forever and Always," I add. 

☾☾