Disconnected √ [edited]

F O U R

T E N    Y E A R S    B E F O R E

It's all your fault.

She'd be alive if it wasn't for you.

If you hadn't gone out that day, she'd still be here.

It's your fault.

Your fault.

Your fault.

Aurelia's eyes fly open and she finds that she's staring at the familiar white ceiling of the penthouse. She's been having the same nightmare over and over again for the past few days and each time it happens, she feels even more guilty. She had thought that she was over what happened, but clearly her brain, her mind had other ideas. It's been about two and a half years since she lost the baby and the grief hits her in waves. Sometimes the pain of 'what could have been' is manageable, but other days it feels like the life has been sucked out of her.

Some days she can barely move because of the grief. She has gone to therapy a lot, and that's helped, but nothing's going to fully help her heal from what happened. Harry has been an immense help, and he's been incredibly patient with her. It breaks his heart to see the love of his life so broken and it hurts more when he realises how hard she's trying to get better. He knows that this isn't for her benefit though; it's for their son's. Though Fynn is five years old, he's very perceptive and has already begun to ask why his mother is so sad all the time.

Aurelia's had to take time off work multiple times to focus on getting better and since they had the money, Harry decided to do the same. He took time off so he could help his wife and help her take care of Fynn, since she's not as capable of doing so that now. He wishes that she knew or understood that the miscarriage was not her fault and that it would never be. It was just fate, and it was bound to happen because of the amount of stress that was being put on her at the time. She is the head editor of a publishing company and she had to deal with having to fire multiple employees for incompetence and she had several meetings with very important authors. They kept rejecting anything that she proposed and she was almost fired because she couldn't get them to come to an agreement with the company.

Harry often hates how overworked his wife is, and how her boss always takes advantage of her dedication to the job. He's suggested on multiple occasions that she quit and either go to a different job or just become a stay at home mum. Aurelia always refuses because she's always been fiercely independent and didn't like the idea of having to rely on someone else for income. She also has the irrational fear that for whatever reason, Harry is going to break up with her, that he'll leave her for someone else. She knows how stupid that thought is, especially because of how devoted he is, but the thought of that is always going to be there. The idea of a possible split is the reason why they have separate bank accounts along with a shared one. That way she'll always have money that's her own that no one but her can touch.