When Love and Hate Collide

15

Bellamy was indeed allowed to leave the hospital that afternoon after basically pleading with the doctor and ensuring that both Octavia and I would be with him twenty-four hours a day seven days a week to make sure he took his new medication on time. It was crazy how seamlessly I fit back into their lives. Bellamy and I were hardly separated. Unless I was attending my classes and even then he would either come with me to the campus and listen to music while I was learning or text me the entire time. Raven was a harder egg to crack and the argument we had had the first time Bell came to our house will forever be one of our worst. It wasn't until he told her that he was dying (since it wasn't my secret to spill) that she finally let up. She wasn't totally at ease around him, but I could see the longer he was around the more she relaxed. Both Octavia and Bell, and sometimes even Murphy, joined in on Wednesday's game nights and Jasper and Monty welcomed them with open arms. Jasper and Monty's duo became a trio with the addition of Octavia and you never saw one without the other two. Weeks passed happily. Bell continued taking his new medication and it seemed to get rid of the headaches and stall the acceleration of his tumor. It wasn't a solution just something to help while the doctors searched for a way to operate. Neither me nor Bell had brought up our declarations of love and it seem to be an unspoken truce that it wasn't the right time to talk about it yet.

Today started out just like most days, waking up to the smell of bacon in the kitchen and a steaming cup of tea being placed on my bedside table, both courtesy of one Bellamy Blake. It's become our ritual. He spends all day at mine, goes home and sleeps at his place and then comes back to mine again in the morning and makes me breakfast. I ended up giving him a key so neither me or Raven would have to get up to let him in every morning. "Come on Princess, time to wake up." I groan and pull the covers over my head and he laughs quietly at me.
"Five more minutes?" I beg. I feel him settle on the bed on top of the covers next to me and laugh at me again.
"That's what you say every morning." I roll over and snuggle into the side of him, burying my head into his chest without thinking. This is new. We've haven't done this since that night he had taken me back to his place to talk and we were both so angry and unsure around each other that night. I feel him stiffen for a beat before wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of my head. "Just a few more minutes or my bacon will burn." He says into my hair. I take a deep breath and relax into his embrace more. His arms tighten slightly and it feels so nice. I had always had a deep craving in me to be held, to be touched. To me bodily contact showed that someone loved you. It felt like they were holding you together. I craved the intimacy of being so close to another person and allowing them so close to you. I needed it to know I was wanted. For the last few years the only person who could give me the comfort I craved was Raven and even then it never felt exactly right. Not like this. Not with the way Bellamy was invading all of my senses. He had a scent that was so entirely his. It smelt like home, he smelt like home and like love. I didn't realise quite how much I'd missed this intimacy with him until I got it back. Bellamy and I had always had a very touchy-feely relationship when we were growing up and it had returned full force in the past weeks. One of us was always touching a part of the other, without consciously deciding to do so. It wasn't unusual to find me with my feet in his lap while watching the television or him with his head in my lap while we talked. It was so easy to be completely comfortable around each other. It was one of the things I loved most about him, his ability to make me feel at ease. I take another deep breath, trying to absorb how whole he makes me feel. His arms tighten again before releasing me. "I gotta check the bacon Princess." He says quietly, almost reluctantly. I groan and roll away from him, missing the feeling immediately. I roll onto my back and throw my arm over my face. "I don't want to get up!" I moan, sullenly.
"Come on Princess, I've got a surprise for you." I lift my arm and peek at him out the corner of my eyes.
"A Surprise?"
"Yes, a surprise. Now get up and get dressed or breakfast will get cold." He says, getting off the bed.
"Can't you bring me my breakfast in here?" I ask sweetly. He grins at me evilly and I know whats coming before he even makes a move. I try to flee the bed but hes way to quick for me. Before I know it I'm pinned to the bed, Bellamy straddling my hips tickling me senseless. "No.... Stop!" I wheeze out between giggles. "Bellamy please!" I beg and he stops, placing his hands on either side of my head on the bed. We both realise our compromising positions at the same time. Our eyes locking on one another. He slowly brushes my hair from my forehead, leaving his hand cupping my face. Startled by the absence of anxiety at having someone pinning me down like this I close my eyes and lean into his touch. "Clarke, I..." We jump apart as the door opens and a disgruntled Raven stomps in. "The bacon is burning Bellamy." She mumbles before she can comprehend the scene in front of her. Her eyes widen for a second before narrowing at us. She points at Bell, "You, out! I need to talk to Clarke and you need to fix breakfast before I revoke your key privileges." He scampers off the bed and out the door, throwing me an apologetic look over his shoulder as he leaves. Raven shuts the door after him and huffs before climbing into the part of my bed Bellamy had been occupying five minutes ago. She lies down without talking to me and once she has settled she just stares at me expectantly. "Oh don't give me that look Raven Reyes, nothing happened." I grumble, sitting up and reaching for my cup of now lukewarm tea. I take a sip, grimace at the cold tea and place it back on my bedside table. "But it would have." She states.
"Not necessarily." I retort.
"Oh please, Clarke. Like you could ever say no to him."
"You don't even know what was happening. He was gonna tell me something before you burst in here. Without knocking I might add!"
"What was he gonna tell you? And like I've ever had to knock before."
"Well now I'll never know, will I?"
"Don't be so dramatic!"
"Says you. You didn't even know what happened and you flipped out." She sighs and lays her head in my lap.
"You know perfectly well why I flipped out. It scares me to see you like that. You and Wick are all I've got and if he breaks you again I don't know how I'll cope." It comes out as a whisper but I hear it loud and clear. I run my fingers threw her hair.
"It won't be like that this time Rae." She starts to disagree but I cut her off. "No, I know what you're going to say but I do know. I thought exactly what you are thinking. How will I come back from losing him twice and it scared the shit out of me, it really did. And then I found out about his condition and my fear doubled because now its not just him deciding that he doesn't want me that I have to worry about, I also have to worry about whether he's even gonna live to make that decision. But these last few weeks with him have made me realise just how strong I am, and I have no doubt that if he does die or leave me that it's going to hurt like hell but I know I am strong enough to get through it. He has made me strong in ways that I never could have on my own and I don't know how he's done it. I used to wake in the morning and wonder what was going to go wrong for me that day, now I wake with hope that everything will go right and that even if it doesn't I can get through it." The words pour out of me as I continue to stroke her hair and her eyes glisten with tears.
"Who are you and what have you done with Clarke." She smiles watery at me. I give her a small laugh.
"I guess she finally grew up." Raven sits up and hugs me fiercely.
"I am so damn proud of who you are!" She says. I hug her back content with who I've become.
"And plus, I honestly don't think he is going anywhere. I can feel it in my bones. I'm stuck with him for life." We share a laugh and then head out to breakfast both lost in our own thoughts.