The Runaway

Twelve

Never in my short life did I believe it was possible to physically feel your heart break. It was a painfully long process, not immediate like cracking an egg. First everything is tight and stiff, holding in immense pressure. The heaviness feels like a brick trapped inside your ribcage. Then, the pressure gets too much, and your heart starts to crack at the edges. It's both tight and torn. Finally, it shatters. Like miniscule pieces of glass strewn out everywhere. You try to find all the parts but you can't. You'll never be whole again.

My heart had crumbled and I couldn't find a single piece of me. I didn't know what was real anymore. He hated me. He'd always hated me. The boy I was in love with couldn't even bare to be in the same room as me anymore. How did this happen? How did it come to this? To me sitting here at the bus stop, ready to move to London.

My mum wasn't happy with my decision but she reluctantly agreed owing to the upset state that I was in. I just didn't belong here anymore and I missed my dad.

I just wanted to go somewhere where no one knew my name. Where I could be a new me with new friends, new ambitions, new everything. My choice was extremely heat of the moment but I couldn't back out. I had to do this.

It was 10:30pm and the star less night sky hung above me. The bus stop was empty and the bus was due to come in five minutes. Forcefully, I shoved my hands in my jean pockets at an attempt to stay warm. However, it didn't stop the swarm of shivers overwhelming me.

Suddenly, I heard the sound of footsteps to the left of me, causing my head to shoot up. I had to blink a few times because my mind was unable to process what I was seeing.

Nate. Running towards me.

Immediately, I flew out of my seat just as he approached me. His eyes looked red as if he'd been crying and he appeared to be out of breath.

"Charlotte!" He practically cried, clutching his chest to gain his breath back. "I thought I missed you, oh my God I thought you left forever."

I was in shock. What was he doing here? He made it pretty clear that he didn't give a damn about me.

"What do you want, Nate?" I spat. "Was there another insult you wanted to throw my way? Or do you want to know the name of the other girl Alex cheated on me with so you can fuck her too?"

He hurt me. He hurt me so bad that I wasn't sure if I'd ever heal from it. You can't make someone love you, even if you lay out your heart to them during your most vulnerable state. He didn't love me. He didn't love me. He didn't love me.

"Please don't leave, I'm so sorry." His tone was filled with emotion and guilt however that didn't mean I was going to listen to him. He couldn't be rude one minute and then sweet talk me the next.

He wasn't going to be the boy to plant seeds of love in the empty spaces of my heart.

"Sorry means nothing, Nate." I harshly spoke.

"What do you want me to do? I'll do anything. Please, Charlotte. Just don't leave me." He begged.

Say you love me.

"Nate, you're such a head fuck. One moment you're telling me you hate me and another moment you're telling me not to leave? Fuck you, I'm going to London. I'm done dealing with this shit."

"I didn't mean what I said before and I'm so sorry for what I did. I was just upset and angry and now I realise how stupid I was being because... because..." He couldn't seem to stutter out any other words.

"Because what?" I desperately wanted to know but at the same time didn't.

He stayed silent and stared at the ground.

"Because what, Nate?" I practically yelled causing his head to look up and his eyes to pierce a hole in mine.

I want to tell you that he told me he was in love with me. That he was scared of losing me as a friend so never told me all this time. That he was just going through a lot at home and took it out on the one person he cared about the most.

But he didn't.

"Nothing." He sighed in defeat. "Nothing, Charlotte. Go to London, you'll be better off."

And with that he turned around and started walking away.

"Is that it?" I shouted after him as he grew further and further away. "Yeah, walk away, Nate."

Tears pricked at my eyes but I refused to let myself cry. He came all this way to tell me not to leave but gave up so fast. He didn't care. He hurt me and he didn't care at all. He was so hot and cold with me and I was done dealing with it. Part of me wanted him to come back and for us to talk it out and be friends again. The other part of me never wanted to see him again.

My bus came into view and I took a glace back to Nate who was almost out of sight.

Should I go back and talk? I still loved him as a friend, regardless of what he did and said. He was going through so much.

"Nate!" I yelled as loud as I could. "NATE WAIT!" Even louder.

He continued walking and I wasn't sure if he could hear me or not. Nonetheless, the bus pulled up in front of me and I had a choice to make. To stay, or to go?

With a deep breath, I stepped onto the bus. It was time to runaway from this shit and not look back.