Redemption [h.s]

thirty-two

"What are you thinking about?"

If there was something I understood about Harry, is that he was really closed off when it came to talking about himself. I could feel there was so much more than he let on, and even though I would've never admitted it, I was dying to loose the intricate mess that was Harry Styles. Talking to him, I felt like I was playing with fire: one single mistake, and I would've burnt myself. But he was like a light in the middle of the night, and I was attracted to him like a moth.

He looked up, biting his lower lip. "Nothing. Just..." He stopped, as if he was pondering what to say next, but he ended up rethinking it. "Nothing."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"I just feel like you deserve better" he admitted.

"That's bullshit, Harry" I replied. I was about to say something else, but my phone rang from where I had left it on the table. I looked at it and saw Niall's name on the screen.

"Take the call" he said when he understood I wasn't gonna pick up the phone.

I raised it to my ear and answered the call, keeping my gaze on Harry. "Hello?"

"Zayn asked me to be his boyfriend!"

I stood up quickly and I almost ran to the bathroom. "I'll be back" I mouthed to Harry, who was looking at me curiously.

"He did what?" I asked incredulously as soon as I closed the door, "What did you say?"

"I said yes" Niall replied.

I watched my shocked reflection in the mirror as soon as I took in his words. "Oh my god, why did you?"

"Why not? I like him."

I sat on the floor against the door. "You do realise you're married, don't you?"

"What Liam doesn't know won't hurt him" he said, "Honestly, I just want to give this all a try. I feel like me and Liam might not be working anymore."

"What makes you say so?"

"I don't know. Maybe the fact that he comes home late when he said he wouldn't have? Or that he no longer asks me when I'll be back when I walk out of the door. It's just a lot of little things. I can't understand what's going on in his head anymore."

"And does cheating on him seem a good solution to this mess? Have you tried - I don't know, talking to him first?" I asked him, trying to lower my voice so that Harry, who supposedly was still sitting in the other room, would've not heard me.

"I don't expect you to understand me. I like Zayn, he makes me happy. If things get really serious with him I'll have to tell Liam and divorce, but so far I like things how they are" Niall said coldly, "Accept it or not, I don't care."

I sighed. "I just think you're doing a big mistake. You said you were happy with Liam."

"I am happy with him, I'm just happier with Zayn" he replied.

"Anyway, I'm at Harry's house now. I hid in the bathroom but I have to go back now" I told him.

"At Harry's house? So you're good now?"

"Yes, we are."

"Glad you sorted out that mess! Had he done something bad?"

My breath hitched in my throat at his choice of words. "No, he hasn't" I replied, and it was true. Even though Harry thought he'd done a bad thing in the past, I knew he hadn't. I just wished he could've seen it as well, but I had no idea of how to prove it to him.

I widened my eyes as a sudden idea struck me. "I need to go now" I said, and closed the call.

I looked at myself in the mirror, putting my phone on the sink. Showing Harry that it really wasn't his fault was the only way to make him understand he had no fault in what had happened. And maybe, if I had proved his innocence to him and Louis, Louis would've finally left him alone, once and for all. There was one only way to find out what had truly happened, and not through Harry's guilt-driven filter.

To Gemma: we need to talk.

She must've been close to her phone, because the reply came soon after.

From Gemma: what about?

To Gemma: he told me.

After that, she didn't reply for a while, leaving me hanging.

Harry knocked on the bathroom door. "Is everything okay? You've been in there for over 15 mins."

"I'm good" I replied, "Just, Niall is such an idiot at times." I opened the door, and discovered that Harry was standing right in front of it. In front of me.

"Are you sure about that?" He asked, seeing that I seemed a bit nervous.

"Yeah, I'm sure. There's nothing to worry about" I replied, trying to reassure him.

When he turned around, I took it as my opportunity to check my phone for any messages.

From Gemma: we can meet up next month.

To Gemma: what do you mean, next month? Can't we do it sooner?

"Are you sure you're okay? You seem a bit distracted."

I looked up at the sound of Harry's voice. "Don't worry about it. We should hang out with Liam and Niall again, shouldn't we? You got along well the last time" I told him, trying to change topic.

"I suppose" he replied.

I sat on the couch and patted the spot next to me to tell him to sit there. "We could all go out together. Wouldn't it be fun?"

"Maybe" he said sitting down, but he seemed a bit unsure.

"You're not forced to drink. You can also not drink. Or I can drive. If that's what you're worrying about."

He shook his head. "No, it's not really that. It's just, I can't exactly mix my pills with alcohol. But I don't want to be the odd one out, so I'll just not take my pills I suppose."

"Absolutely not" I replied fast, remembering the state he'd been in when I'd found him at a nightclub over a month before. "You need to take them."

"It's not like they actually help that much, and it's also not the first time I skip some days."

"I just want you to be okay" I told him softly, looking into his green eyes.

"I'll be okay" he said, "I've been going on like this for years. I'm used to it."

"How many years have you... You know" I asked him.

"About three, or four years."

"So you didn't start... You know, right away?"

"No, I didn't" he replied shaking his head, "It was Gemma that forced me to seek help. Kind of. I'd rather not talk about it, though."

I frowned at the new information. What could've possibly happened, that had made Gemma understand that he would've not managed to be okay again without some help? I looked at him. He was looking down, playing with one of his rings again, as I had learned he always did when he was nervous. I shook away the unpleasant thoughts.

"I won't drink as well" I told him, to show him that he wouldn't have been the only one. It didn't matter what he said, I knew that he wasn't okay without taking his pills. Every time I had seen him drink alcohol, he had ended up completely drunk. It wasn't natural, and it surely wasn't okay.

He gave me a little smile. "I could consider that, then."

I heard my phone buzzing, and I took it out of the pocket of my jeans.

From Gemma: just a lot of trouble at work, I'm not in London.

"Who's that?" Harry asked, seeing that I was reading a text.

"Just Niall, still being his usual self" I replied, not wanting to put him on edge by telling him the truth.