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Chapter 5

"lol!" murpity exclaimed. "look what I did to your room!"

"all of my donuts!!" nicki screamed angrily. nicki made a move to come toward murpity but was stopped by the sound of four pairs of heels thundering down the stairs.

the door to the room burst open, and the squad and lydia stepped into the room. 

"it's over, nicki," said lydia.

jackie and tiffany grabbed huge bags full of salt, not even kosher, and started pouring them onto the ground.

"waaaaiiiitt!" cried nicki.

"what?" tiffany demanded, lifting the bag upright.

"i have an offer," nicki said. "there's only one thing in the world you girls don't have, and I know a way you can get it."

"um, what?" murpity was confused. "i literally have everything."

"yeah, same," said tiffany. "i even have, like, a pet rat."

"of course you do." nicki rolled her eyes. "but only I have access to the exclusive membership that is the U.G.L.Y. society." 

murpity burst out laughing. "the ugly society? is that where all the uglies go to hang out after school?"

nicki fumed. "no, fool! U. G. L. Y! It stands for the Unanimous Grandiloquent Legation for Youth." 

"you totally just made all those words up," tiffany scoffed, flipping her hair. 

murpity should tiffany a look. she was pretty sure tiffany hadn't even learned her letters yet. "why in the nut would we want to be part of the ugly society?" murpity demanded.

"yeah," said jackie. "it sounds. . . weird."

"it's an intelligence agency," nicki explained. "members collect information on every single person in the school to put in the database."

"an intelligence agency?" tiffany was skeptical. "i'm, like, already smart, like. .  i got 30 points on my SAT."

"tiffany!" murpity stomped her foot. "i will not  hesitate to feed your rat to my elk!" tiffany glared but finally shut up.

"there are very interesting people at our school," nicki whispered mysteriously. "they are. ." she paused. "different."

lydia scoffed. "people like you?"

"UGH!" nicki let out an earsplitting scream but no one was fazed. "i'm not allowed to say! just trust me."

"oh, i know what you mean," tiffany nodded knowingly. "you're saying that there are alpha werewolves and vampires, aren't you."

"for god's sake, tiffany." murpity was at her limit. "i'm going to give your mom the flyers to the mental institution." 

but to everyone's surprise, nicki nodded somberly. "yes. every month at the full moon we launch a top-secret investigation to capture the werewolves."

everyone looked at tiffany in disbelief. she was able to form a coherent thought in her head that was also factual??????????????

all the sudden everyone blacked out and then they woke up and they were all in the underground base of the U.G.L.Y. 

tiffany started frantically scratching at the cement floor with her 10" long acrylics, trying to dig her way out or something. she screeched and gave up and curled up like a dead rat.

murpity and her squad were trying to get their bearings, then suddenly an alarm went off and they all screeched in terror. but it was only chloe's phone.

"sorry as%))dk#hvkac..lthe;" she said. "that's just my alarm to clip my toenails."

murpity rolled her eyes. "of course it is. GO TAKE CARE OF IT CHLOE!!" she screamed, bursting a few blood vessels in her eyes.

chloe sat down on the spot and pulled out her toenail clippers and started trimming down her toe talons.

"anyway." murpity seethed. she was in a rage. this UGLY headquarter base was rather... unsettling. the walls were a putrid shade of yellow. pictures of puppies and kittens were hung on the walls... and they weren't equally spaced...

nicki looked proud. "it's so.... happy in here, isn't it?" she smiled at them like a maniac.

murpity shuddered violently. "is there a bidet nearby? i think i'm going to be ill."

"there's donuts," nicki cocked her head like a freak and gestured to a glass display of donuts. "every flavor." nicki drooled all over the floor. 

"when can we go home?" jackie whined. "i have an appointment because my pee-"

"SHUT- up..." murpity seethed. "where the hell is lydia?"

nicki giggled and her face twitched. murpity gave a shudder of disgust. nicki was like an animal... 

"lydia isn't part of the U.G.L.Y." nicki told them. "you fools."

"k." said murpity. "so what's all this. we've seen enough for today. you heard jackie, she has to get her pee figured out."

nicki grabbed a thick donut from the display case and shoved it all into her mouth. "lydia isn't who you think she is." and without another word she led them all into a secret room they all had to crawl 80 million feet into the earth but they made it and what they saw contained the secrets of the universe.