He was gone before we knew he wanted to be.
My husband,their father,their sibling,their son.
Gone, gone in the pull of a trigger. He had shot himself in the kitchen. His suicide note was the most mortifying part.
-Dear loved ones,
This is not your fault. No matter how hard you try to pin it on you. It's me, my death at my hands. I shot myself not you. Remember that.
I had left without warning,because you would try to stop me. Or call the police or suicide hotline. I needed to be alone. There was only one way to be alone. I've had to many fights with you all. And fights with myself,so I've been tired. So, now I shall sleep knowing that you all love me and care.
Love,
Samuel-
Even before death we were his top priority. Making sure we were okay. Assuring us that we shouldn't feel bad. Never explaining his struggle, just making sure we didn't. This was who he was. Spending every waking moment thinking of others.
That's why we loved him, but that's also why he's gone. He would think and care for others constantly. Yet, we gave nothing in return. He taught me so much. I taught him how to feel unappreciated.
Our kids are crazy. They're in their teens,and lack any empathy. Maybe now he'll teach them how to be empathetic. Like he taught them how to tie their shoes and how to divide. It's not that hard to learn to feel.
Around him we were always learning. Now, we'll become brainless swine.
YOU ARE READING
Alone
General FictionA story of death through a mothers eyes. Her husband died and it's taking a toll on her and her children. It's a story about a parents struggle in the deepest part of her and her family's life.
