You & Me

Chapter One

It's Christmas. That used to mean something. I barely remember the good Christmases we had as a family. All I know is that the tree was brightly lit and colorfully decorated. There was hot choco and presents and soft music. And I remember smiling. From the moment I woke up until the night fell, I remember feeling happy. Happy and whole, with mom and dad and Angie. That's what Christmas used to mean. Family.

And then dad got sick and Christmases were spent in white hospital rooms and mom didn't smile no more. Then he died.

I take a deep breath and let that strangely familiar warm rush flood over me. I watch my two best friends play a video game in the living room, shouting brutal banter back and forth. I smile and gaze over to Harley, curled up in a bunch of blankets, half asleep. Ann and Amory cuddled up together on the other sofa, Richie cheering on Max' and Travis' shooting match. My smile grows wider. It's a crazy thing, how Travis and Max and me went from being always alone, to spending Christmas with this bunch of misfits. I chuckle as I remember how Amory and I had met. I called his sister a slut and he beat the living crap out of me. And now we're here.

And then I look at her. She's seeing it too. She smiles and looks at her friends and I know that in her mind she's thanking the universe. My heart feels heavy and I take another deep breath. Into the belly of the beast, as she would say. With every step I take I feel my heart beat faster, my breath become shallower, my head slowly turning into a mushy goo. She's wearing one of Max' shirts, her dark curls up in a messy bun, her face perfectly natural. I take one of the cold beers and hold it against her bare neck. She jumps up and squeals. I struggle to suppress a chuckle.

She looks up to me and I freeze. That's what she does to me. Every fucking time. I stare into those big dark eyes and I shatter. Like the walls I built up around me were made from glass and all it takes to break them is her. I hate it. I would turn it off if I could. But whatever I try, I can't stay away from her. It doesn't help that she's wearing my best friend's shirt either.

"Jerk!" She hisses, but her eyes smile and I hold out the beer for her. Her face softens and she rolls her eyes at me. "Thanks."

She turns her head away, watching her friends closely, and I settle down next to her. She sighs and I take another deep breath. She looks happy. Genuinely, profoundly happy, and it warms my heart. I clink my beer to hers and take a gulp. She turns her attention back to me.

"So this is what Christmas is like," I muse, nodding to our friends.

"Who knew, huh?" She smiles. It's a soft smile – one that tells you everything in the world is fine and safe and good and pure, and because it's hers I believe it. Without hesitation.

I nod slowly and stare into those eyes of hers. Dark and mysterious and full of pain and sorrow, and yet so kind and loving. Even though I don't deserve her kindness.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"For what?" She cocks her head to the side and I am lost for words. For being here. For letting me be here with you. For being you. For existing. For saving me. For damning me. Goddamnit, just thank you for everything you are and everything you make me want to be.

"I don't know," I sigh, words rushing through my head, "for being here. For not hating me. For talking to me right now."

She smiles and takes a deep breath. "I'm still mad at you," she whispers, "but I don't hate you. It's Christmas, after all."

I smile and nudge her shoulder, the brief contact setting everything that I am on fire. I sure hope Max feels like this when he sees her. I hope he admires her. Adores her. Cherishes her. I hope he looks at her and wants nothing else but to give her the world. I hope he makes her happy. Deliriously and profoundly happy.