This is How it Goes

This is How it Goes - Chapter 12

"Look, neither of us can change it," I ultimately decided to say. "Lance is a terrible human being and his family deserves better, but we can't interfere. Lauren has to figure it out on her own."

I knew he disagreed, it was all over his perplexed expression, but he kept his mouth shut. We'd done enough arguing the past few days, and I was sick of it.

Instead, I veered the conversation to an ambiguous topic. "Speaking of Lauren, she finally talked to me today. Like, actually talked. She's really sweet. She is even going the extra mile to set me up with one of her co-workers next week."

This ignited a pleasant look on his face. "Oh, okay. What's his name?"

"Miles Ingrum, I think," I replied, waiting for his expression to drop, for any indication that he didn't want me to go on the date. For any sign that he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. But it never happened—he appeared genuinely pleased with the news. "He's very good looking, in case you were wondering."

"Oh, I totally was," he joked. "What kind of name is Miles? Since when is a unit of measurement a good name?"

I elbowed his arm. "It could be worse. I might as well give it a shot."

He grinned slightly. "Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky."

"You're gross," I uttered, rolling my eyes. "Unlike you, that's not my idea of a first date."

If I hadn't seen the message from Anya, I would have felt bad for bringing up our separate definitions of dating again, but I did. And sadly, I wanted him to feel somewhat disconcerted by his dating habits. They weren't acceptable.

"By the way, that 'bimbo' that I went out with a few months ago, I didn't sleep with her," he unexpectedly said.

It took me by surprise. I looked at him and he looked at me, my eyebrows crossed together. "What? Yes, you did. Do you know what sleeping together means—?"

"I'm not twelve." His hands bunched up at his sides. Doing so made them dangerously close to mine. "And I didn't have sex with her. We went to Sezario's—like I said—and then she wanted to get drinks afterward. Well, she had one too many and got really tipsy, borderline drunk, and she was too out of it to give me her address, so I brought her back to the house to sleep until she sobered up."

Damn it. I felt bad now. Every foul name I called him to his face, and he let me do it.

"She slept on the couch and I slept on Eva's floor."

"You slept on...Eva's...floor?" I tried not to laugh, but I did smile.

"It was very uncomfortable, in case you were wondering," he added matter-of-factly.

Against my own willpower, I grabbed his hand and gently squeezed it. "I'm sorry I called you those names," I whispered. "I tend to jump to conclusions."

His smiled widened, a dimple appearing on his right cheek. "Yeah, I know you do."

The lunar eclipse's shadow gleamed in his dark eyes. Between the stillness of the water and the serenity of the wooded area surrounding us, the moment was perfect. I felt myself falling in love all over again. My heart beat impatiently and stomach went crazy at the fact that we were still touching.

Remember the text, I reminded myself.

I was convinced Andrew could read minds, because he filled the silence with his voice once again. "Anya texted me earlier."

Feigning shock, I pursed my lips. "What did she want?"

"To meet up and have dinner later this week."

It was as if he was waiting for me to make a tasteless reply about her terrible timing and treachery. Why was I holding back in calling her for what she was?
"What did you say?"

He curiously stared into the distance. "I said no. I'm not an idiot, Skylar."

"Then why did you talk to her when we were together?" It slipped out of my mouth, and I instantly regretted it.

"God, I knew you would bring it up. Exes can't check up on each other every once in a while?" he growled.

"No, they can't. When that happens, it leads to unresolved things and it makes getting back together all the more reasonable."

Anger radiated off him, but he controlled it. "Why was it that big of a deal to you, anyway? Did you think I was going to cheat on you or something?"

"Of course not!"

"Then what, Skylar? What?"

I should have stayed inside and read my book. I should have left him alone.

"I don't open up to people very easily," I began, "and we were getting serious. I was looking for a reason not to move so quickly and when that happened...it was the perfect opportunity." My stomach clenched at the memory of the terrible argument we had right before the break-up. I'd never experienced anything like it before. While I repented the whole thing, I was glad it happened. If taking a break was what I needed to figure myself out, perhaps it was right of us to break-up. Until now, I had never admitted my next words to anyone, not even Abby. "I was scared."

He shook his feet off and slipped his shoes back on. "You were scared? I was scared. Running away doesn't solve anything, Skylar. Sometimes you have to face your fears."

He made his way back to the cabin and grabbed the monitor from me. I lingered on the dock, drying the tears that found their way out of my eyes.

I ruined a special relationship because I was scared to move fast. If I hadn't searched for ways to end things between us, maybe we'd still be together. Maybe we'd be married. Maybe we'd have had an Eva of our own.

It was all my fault.

Andrew tiptoed upstairs, assuming his spot in the room he'd missed out on the previous night. I finished my glass of water, washed the cup, placed it back in the cupboard and quietly lay next to Andrew. The room was pitch black. I had to feel my way around, accidentally touching Andrew's face in the process. "Sorry," I whispered, and I heard a soft, "It's okay."

I faced the ceiling, even though I couldn't see a thing. As much as I enjoyed spending the holiday in a new setting, I wanted to go home. My stomach lurched at "home," forcing me to realize that it was Nate and Abby's home first—Andrew and I were merely housesitting.

The tears streamed down my face again. For once I was thankful for the darkness.

"Andrew," I muttered.

He situated next to me. "Yeah?"

I took a deep, controlled breath and made sure my voice wouldn't shake when I replied. "I miss them."

"I know. So do I."

I reached for his hand and locked our fingers together. Fighting or not, we were both on the same boat, missing our best friends terribly. Our similarities formed a unique bond, a bond I prayed would never break.