Dare Trilogy | Book 3 Editing | ✓

3.1.5 | Shadows of Past

Thankfully, reluctantly, she just nodded. "Okay."

She didn't like this at all though. Her birthday was an event she did not want to celebrate, and I couldn't understand why. I handed her a knife, but she didn't seem to have the courage to do it herself. Instead of taking it, she placed her hand on top of mines, and I got the hint. I smiled comfortingly at her, and cut it for her. Well, her hand was there, but it was essentially me cutting it.

Taking a piece, I fed her. "No matter what you think, sweet pea, everyone deserves to have their birthday celebrated."

She shook her head. "Not me."

"Why do you think that?" I genuinely could not think of one reason myself.

She leaned back against the table, inhaling deeply. Her initial silence made me think she didn't want to talk about it. But then she did. "As you know... Riddhima's birthday is roughly two months before mine. And years ago... it had happened on her birthday. It wasn't until a day before my birthday when I found out I was pregnant. Sure, I'd noticed I had missed my periods, but I had passed it off thinking it was because I hadn't been eating well due to everything that had happened and they were just late. So..." She paused for a second, looking away from me. "It was on my birthday the next day that I got the abortion."

Can this girl stop breaking my heart already?

I took the step towards her and reached for her hands. They were cold, perhaps from thinking back to her past and being nervous. I squeezed them gently, hoping she'd look at me and know she had nothing to be ashamed of, and that she could tell me anything about her or what she had done to survive and nothing would make me think any less of her.

Finally, she did glance up, and blinked rapidly to keep herself from crying. I could only imagine what she must be feeling. "Hey... you made the decision that was best for you in the time." I attempt to say what I think she might want to hear, for I have no idea... what does one really say at a time like this?

She chuckled, but it lacked humor. "But it's the decision I have to live with my whole life, Arnav."

** edit**

Fuck saying what I think she might want to hear. I'm going to say how I feel. Things she knows but isn't accepting. Things she needs to give herself credit for. "Okay, so? Punishing yourself like this, is it going to change anything? No, Khushi. What is done is done. Trust me, in the two years we weren't talking, I blamed myself so much. I went down a dark path, but did it accomplish anything? No. Nothing you have been through has been normal, Khushi... or easy. I'm not saying it doesn't suck or that you should forget about it. It might never be okay, but maybe in order to forgive yourself - not that I think you have anything to forgive yourself for, but if that's how you feel - then you can start by talking about it instead of keeping it to yourself and turning a blind eye. Punishing yourself by not celebrating your birthday because it's a reminder and staying in denial isn't healthy. I know its scary and daunting, but you'll always have me by your side... all of us." I moved my palm up to her elbow, and she nodded, sniffing. "Smile now. The tough times are over."

She did smile, allowing herself to believe me. And, I did mean it. I wasn't going to let a shadow of our past bring her down again. Four years had been long enough.

She pulled back. I let her. She swept up the frosting on her finger. "Since you can't eat it..." She trailed off, once again smearing it on my cheek before I could blink and catch on to what had happened.

"Not again, sweet pea." I grumbled.

She laughed at my expense, "Don't expect me to kiss it again."