fade ; afi+lrh

05

when i get back home, the flat is empty except for ashton.

he's showering and doesn't hear me come in. so i sit down outside of the bathroom door and listen.

he's singing.

and it's beautiful.

but then he stops.

i get up to leave before he catches me. he'd probably think i was a creep.

although, he probably wouldn't stop cuddling with me. or being whatever we are.

i don't fucking know what we are anymore.

we're best friends. that keep secrets. and cuddle at night. and do other things that may include kiss.

i haven't told michael or calum about us kissing.

michael would kill me.

calum would tell me i'd mess up.

i know, such lovely friends i have.

but they're protecting ashton.

ashton walks into the room with his boxers on and a towel around his shoulders. "hi," he says.

"hey," i reply.

we stay silent as he gets dressed. i don't watch. i stare at the ground.

when he sits on the bed, he pulls my chin up and kisses me softly. i kiss back, knowing he'll taste the smoke.

and he does. he pulls away and leaves the room.

and i'm stuck here with my guilt.

i take out my phone and put jacks number in. i don't know why. but i do.

he doesn't need me to talk to him.

i need him to talk to me.