If This Is Love || Raura

13 | Attacks

One part of me wants to run into Ross' arms and never let go. That part of me wants to kiss him every second of every day and tell him just how much I love him to freaking death. That part of me wants to experience things I've never experienced with anyone, with him. That part of me forgives him and looks past his tiny mistake because I love him and because I know that he'd never do this intentionally. That he'd never hurt me ever.

But the other part of me wants to hate him and never forgive him. Trust is the number one thing in a relationship, a best friendship, and he completely broke that when he lied to me for five months. He messed up. He caused me to cry. He caused me so much fucking pain that I wrote a song about it. He kicked me out of his bed when he knew I needed to be with someone because of weird past dreams and beliefs. That part of me makes me want to not love him.

"Hey, my mom wants us to come over for a small dinner." Rydel says, completely taking me out of my thoughts. Maybe that's a good thing. "You okay?" She asks softly, flipping on the light switch. Sniffling, I hadn't even realized I was crying.

"Uh, yeah. I'm good. Just tired is all." I reply, quickly wiping my eyes under my glasses. "Is it okay if I stay here?" I ask her.

"Laura..." She trails off. "Come on, it'll be fun. You won't even realize he's there." She smiles weakly at me. I just nod the slightest and look down at my lap. "Do you wanna talk?" She asks.

"When do we have to leave?" I ask, completely ignoring her question.

"In ten minutes." She replies. Nodding, I get out of bed and head to my suitcase, grabbing a fresh t-shirt and the first pair of leggings I find. As I walk to the door where she's at, she stops me.

"Rydel, I don't want to talk about it." I tell her, looking her straight in the eye. She nods, understanding that it wasn't a good time. I walk past her and to the bathroom, where I freshen up and put contacts in. I grab my phone and head to the main room to wait for my brother and Rydel. Ellington drove us in Rydel's Prius, and I definitely wasn't ready to go inside.

"Aw, you made it!" Stormie says, the second we walk into the house. She was quick to pull me in a hug. "How are you?" She asks me. Rydel and Ellington walk past the two of us, heading for the backyard. I couldn't escape.

"Good." I tell her, a forced smile on my face.

"Honey, you don't have to lie to me." She softly says, making my entire face drop. I can't lie to her. "I don't want to be a mean mom figure, but both you and my baby out there are miserable. Yes, Ross messed up. But I'm pretty darn sure he's suffered the consequences long enough. He loves you, sweetie. Heck, that boy would move mountains for you just to make sure you're okay. He's not perfect. He just wanted the love of his life to love him back. He thought you didn't. He thought you still hadn't realized it. He didn't know, Laura Renae. He would never ever hurt you and you and I both know that." The entire time my eyes were on the floor. "Talk to him. He's upset. He's shed a few tears here and there. He's hurting just like you are." I didn't say anything, I just gave her a single nod and stepped beside her to walk outside. Truthfully, I knew she was right. My heart knew she was right.

"You okay?" Ry asks me the second I walk over to where everybody was. All eyes were on me now and that only made me want to hide. I couldn't speak. I could only give him a fake smile and nod my head a few times. "You sure? You look... paler than usual." He continues.

"Ryland, drop it. She's fine." I hear Rydel quietly say. My eyes somehow find Ross', who was staring at me with nothing but worry. And that's when I couldn't take it. It started with my hands beginning to shake, then it got harder to breathe, then my heartbeat sped up, and then my legs felt like jello while the rest of my body became numb.