I'm Coming Home

We Need Time

He's back. The eagerly awaited return of Robbie has arrived. That night in New York was needed for all of us, we got to know Robbie again. We sat down talked through everything and put our hearts out on the line, at the end of the day he's our brother, our baby brother. I've watched him struggle, we all struggled but we had each other. Robbie had no one and if I'm being honest I think he still feels like that and it's down to us four, especially me, to make him feel safe, make him feel wanted and most importantly make him feel like he has us and that he can speak to us.

Seeing him in that room scared and anxious made me realise how little he's grown as a person. He's still that boy we all met in the 90's, he's still that young, nieve lad. He may be 36 but he's still got the mind of a teenager. At this stage in the band we can't have that, we've all grown up, we've all got families now.

In New York

You know if you told me 10 years ago we'd be sat in the same room as the man who broke us I'd of laughed in your face. I wouldn't of believed you but here we were in this New York hotel room with Robbie

After we all arrived at the hotel, we managed to keep the press to a minimum and thankfully the hotel didn't leak we were here. Rob was sat on the small couch by the window and Jason was next to him, they didn't speak. Jason always found a problem with Robbie you see, whenever he was late to rehearsals or seemed down within himself Jason would just tell him to get on with it. We had no connection back then, we didn't have what was portrayed on the outside, we didn't have each other. Howard, he was lounging back in an arm chair just by the door as, he didn't seem all that bothered by today. He just wants peace and happiness

And me? Well I'm waiting in the hotel lobby for Gary, I know it was a big ask for Gary to agree to this but he surprised us all especially Robbie. I understand why Gary would've said no, that he never wants to see rob again. We all would've understood but he genuinely seemed like he wanted to move on, he's done some serious soul searching since we split in 97 and it seems everything we've all done since then has lead to this moment right here in this New York hotel

"Ayup lad, why you here on your own?"

Gary's voice rang through my ears as I heard him behind me, turning around and seeing him again after what has to be a good 6 months is just utterly amazing. He looked nervous, apprehensive about being here. I didn't want him to feel forced to be here, the last thing we need is Gary feeling pressured. I could see the worry all over his face as he embraced me into a warm Barlow hug

"It's good to see you again" Gary mumbled into my hair as he planted a loving kiss on my temple, we've always had that kind of friendship. We'll gladly give each other a peck on the cheek or head it's nothing to us.

"You too Gaz, everyone is waiting up in the room..."

"Am I the last to arrive" his eyes grew bigger as he realised we were all waiting for him. Smiling and supportively putting my hand on his arm I nod gently "yeah, you are Gary but it's fine. Are you sure you're okay with this? They won't mind if yo..."

"No! No I need to do this, I need to see him again" the taller man cute me off abruptly with a stern look on his face. His eyes soften once he realises I was only being supportive "Mark I'm sorry lad I didn't mean to snap at you...I've been thinking a lot and going over so much in my head..."

"Gary it's fine, I get it this is a big deal for us all. You and rob especially, don't apologise to me for anything" lovingly I look up at him and see his nerves slowly ease away as we seen a dominos pizza delivery guy turn up at the reception desk

"Hi order for 'the best fuckin band'..." hearing Gary chuckle and a hand covering my face in embarrassment we see robbie bouncing out of the elevator to greet the delivery man but he seems to forget how to walk when he sees Gary

"H..Hiya mate, here's the money" Robbies eyes never left Gary as he handed over what looked to be 30 quid (in dollars). As Robbie took all five pizzas from the man I seen Gary turn on his heals and walk towards him picking up the two bottles of juice

"No no it's fine" robbie scrambled to carry everything and I watched as Gary rose his eyebrow and gave a soft smile taking the bottles back from Robbie "we can't be the 'best fuckin band' without teamwork" he winked at him and chucked me a bottle. Robbies face was a picture, he looked completely dumbfounded by Gary's instant openness

"I took the liberty of ordering your pizza and if I remember correctly you have chicken with onions and some sweet corn and some mushrooms" I rattle off Gary's order off the top of my head and his smile just gets wider and wider as I say each topping "you're a very special man Mark Owen, very special indeed" he ruffles my hair as we all make our way upstairs, rob was unsurprisingly quiet. He didn't want to do anything wrong or mess this up and I was at all surprised when Gary took him aside before entering the room, so I took the pizzas off him and left them alone to talk

Gary's view

"Rob, why did you stumble over your words when you seen me downstairs. It's only me, it's Gary" trying my hardest to understand where he's at mentally is a big part of the meet up today. I wouldn't be here if I didn't believe in this possible reunion but first of all I needed to know if Robbie was up for it. His eyes are fixed on me and his mouth is shut tight, it's almost like he's barely breathing.

"Robbie, speak to me. If you can't speak to me then how is today going to work..."

"I'm so sorry Gary, I'm unbelievably sorry..." the younger man before me blurts out, as the words fall from his mouth he looks down at the ground fiddling with his fingers. I may have forgotten a lot of things but I'll never forgot that's what he does when he's nervous "look, lets just sit down and eat pizza yeah? Band stuff can come latter, I know it's taken a lot for you to be here and trust me I'm the same. Whatever we need to talk about can be done between us two later without the other three, if that's what you'd want? Today is just a getting to know each again other day okay lad?" My eyes are searching for his as I speak to him and he gives me a gentle nod, I've missed him there's no doubt about that but a lot of shit has happened between us and it needs to be cleared up

"Are you sure you're okay with me here? I...I can g..." Robbie stops me before I enter the hotel room with everyone else in it, taking a deep breathe and pulling myself together to look at the man who absolutely shattered everything I worked for in the eye, I muster a smile, it's not fake nor is it sincere. It's more of a practiced smile, the smile I pull for the cameras and the media

"I'm not doing this for me Robbie, by all means leave if that's what you want to do, I won't stop you. I want this to be put to bed for once and for all I'm sick of running, I'm sick of waking up and feeling sick because I lost a best mate, so yes I'm okay with you here and no i don't want you to leave but i just need time, we all need time" i can tell he's taking in what I'm saying as he nods in agreement with me before i walk into the smell of pizza

"GARY!! You're finally here! I thought you died..." Jason embraced me into a warm welcoming hug as he stuffed his face with pepperoni pizza

"No need to be dramatic Jay, ive not died you'd miss me to much and the band would fall apart" I joke digging into my pizza as rob does the same with our eyes never leaving each other