The devil or the alpha

Pilot

I killed someone today. I Hazel Grace Maddox murdered someone today in cold blood, I cut someone up in a million pieces and skinned there scalp. Then I pulled and pulled until all of there fingernails were tethered from the skin and bloody on the ground, of course I sliced out the tongue first pushing the fine metal until patches of blood formed then I cut up, down, up, down, like a Peice of bread until it fell limp in his mouth. Then after his tongue was gone and he was choking on his blood. After his brain lay open to the earth and his skin was more muscle and bone then flesh, and after his screaming and crying ceased i sweet Hazel Grace plunged the knife into his diagram, cut a whole, and stuck my hand up through his lungs. Up through his ribcage. Up through his muscle blood and bones, and then I pulled out his heart.
On the contrary I feel nothing. Not the nothing like the numbness you feel when your depressed. It was more like my brain didn't feel the need to process what I did because if I took in anything more I might just implode. I walked in my bedchamber five minutes ago, just to go through everything and sort out my mind. I did that sometimes, I would walk in a absent corner or sit down in a dark room and try and control my mind, try and stuff down all my thoughts in the darkest part of me. I had yet gotten to the point of actually thinking at all about me ending someone. because like I said before I don't think I could take it, so instead I fell back onto my duvet counted the bumps on my curling. 1...2...7....9...10... my eyes grew heavier.. 15....

...

I could vaguely see threw the film of mist as my body shuttered and quaked. My mom always told me "haze you always gonna speak 'er mind, even if you shaken."
I spoke my mind that day.
I didn't use words, but I spoke my mind. I didn't notice I was awake or crying until my dream became a haze and my lips were salty. I thought about groaning or screaming, but I couldn't bring my lips to move I just couldn't persuade my mind to take any action other than stare at the ceiling... fan? I was on my feet in a breath eyes wet, cheeks pink, lips swollen, and voice raspy. I didn't bother putting thought into remembering if I actually turned on the fan or if it was an imposter, but I was so futile it didn't really matter.
I stood so fast my brain throbbed against my skull and I couldn't focus on anything but that and the yellowing wallpaper as I paced down the hallway. I didn't knock and I never did, I felt halfway guilty for awakening my best companion with my temper for something she very well may have not done. But then I thought and I wasn't really sure who it was that was speaking. Me; nonchalant and genuine her; grievance and revenge, this happened a lot lately and I felt my wholesomeness was deteriorating.
I raised my hand and eyebrows and the door swung open. I lulled back my head allowing the familiarity overcome me. I would have unleashed my wrath on her: Sunshine, but the curvature of her lips and crinkle of her nose was a mastered skill of hers, and if she was not permanently inside my heart it would still shatter my walls every time.
"I don't know what to say!" I almost revolted at the warmth of her voice.
"Say that you love me, say that you can see through my facade, say that I'm busted, say I need to sit down right now and explain myself, say you didn't mean to leave me, say you know what really happens when you leave." I only said that in my head because it would be weak and unnecessary to say any of that. I tilted my head and raised the heels of my feet because if you had to portray my whole entire life in one picture it would be that. My sun in the face, silky polish curls on a tilted White cream canvas with my heels up and my toes strained.
"I've been good, you know I was so busy filling in for you I barely even knew you were gone!" That was a lie. Every hour she was gone my heart ached more and more, and I hated my responsibilities more and more. I was not built to run a pack to be friendly and equal to all I couldn't play with the pups or make lunch with the mothers I wasn't able to console the broken, simply I was not a good alpha. I could console myself with the fact that I would forever be chained to serving and protecting Sunshine as beta. But my one true concern was who would mate to if Sunshine, if she even found one whether it be her true soulmate or one she chooses.
"Let's get you cleaned up, I'm going to take you to a party tonight!"
"Were?"
"King Roland's land" she frowned as she roamed through her closet, and it gave my heart a heave because just for a second it reminded me of him.