ғʀᴏᴍ ᴘᴏʀᴛʟᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʟ.ᴀ. » ᴅᴀɴɪᴇʟ sᴇᴀᴠᴇʏ

Chapter Eight

"It takes most people nine years to get through the required four-year undergraduate degree, medical schooling, and endless amount of training and practice to become a surgeon, but my mom completed it all in eight.

"When I was fourteen, it became official. She began working at a hospital in the heart of Portland. If I thought seeing her was rare before that, I was blatantly surprised when she fell into her new work schedule. I would wake up, come home from school, and go to sleep without any contact from her. Not a text. No call. Just work.

"I was... alone all the time. So, I began to get creative. I've always been one with that kind of mind, but when I turned fifteen, I really became serious about it. My mom gave me money to buy a camera for photography, a keyboard, running shoes, and a laptop, at my request, no questions asked.

"I've always been fascinated with this city, so when I bought that camera, I took a picture of just about everything within it.

"I started to run every morning before school. It was difficult to condition myself at first, of course, with no prior experience to putting my body through that kind of workout, but I did it because it made me feel like I was starting the day off right.

"With the laptop, I began to develop and write the story that I'm editing now. And finally, I began to sing.

"Singing, writing lyrics and music, and playing the piano opened up a new window of expressing myself that isn't possible through words on a page. That feeling... there's no explaining it. I fell in love with it, and I'm guessing that's why you love it, too."

I glance up at Daniel to see an expression I can't read residing on his face. I continue.

"I never showed my mom the pictures I took. I never told her I began running. I never let her read what I wrote. I never sang my songs for her. She was and is my mother, but we... lived lives entirely apart from each another.

"So, about a year ago, she entered my room at one in the morning when she got home from the hospital. This is the summary of what she said: my talent has outgrown Portland, so I'm moving to New York to grow my reputation and build myself a bigger career. She told me I could decide if I wanted to stay in Portland or go with her before leaving my room.

"I cried for most of the night, not because I couldn't decide, but because the decision to stay was easy to make. I realized that my entire life, I had been holding on to the smallest hope that she would realize how she left me alone for so many years and would finally become who I needed her to be. That news was the final blow. I finally understood that any relationship that I ever wanted to be possible between us simply wasn't going to happen.

"In one month, mom put our apartment up on the market, sold it, bought me my current living space in the Levels Complex, purchased her own house in New York, and sent off all of her belongings ahead of her.

"She gave me a load of money and I spent the last afternoon before she left shopping for every single thing that I put in my new apartment. She formally told me that I would be expected to work in order to pay for the gas for my car, my own groceries, and the items I need at home. She would pay all my bills from New York, and I didn't know how to thank her, or if I should.

"She left without a goodbye. No hug, no strings attached, just like with her parents. And then she was gone. I haven't seen her in person since."

I force myself to breath, staring at the ground with my hands clasped together in my lap. I got caught up in my past, telling my story while leaving out the details of how many times I felt worthless, unloved, useless, and neglected throughout the years. So caught up, in fact, that I forgot I was sitting in a coffee shop at all.

I look at Daniel.

His eyebrows are furrowed together and he's just staring at me.

"You went through all of that? By yourself?" His voice is the quietest I've heard it since I met him.

"Well... over the past couple years I've had Blaire and her family, but... other than that, yes."

"Kai, I don't... I don't know what—"

"Daniel, please. I didn't tell you all that to make you feel sorry for me. I don't want how you see me to change from whatever I was to a helpless victim of a past without love. Please... please don't let that be the case."

"I promise you, my image of you as a person has not changed. It's just... no one should have to go through that," he says gently.

For some reason, it takes me a long time to say, "I agree."

***

I look around the bookstore from my position behind the desk, thinking about how I just recently told Daniel what I've only ever shared with Blaire and her parents.

Why do you trust him this much in such a short amount of time after meeting him?

I don't know the answer.

My roaming eyes happen to land on my phone, and suddenly, I remember something. I begin to write out a text to Daniel.

Kai
I almost forgot about our deal!

Daniel
Oh I didn't. I just didn't want to be annoying by bringing it up again. So you're familiar with the music now?

Kai
Yes, I've been listening to it all week :)
I trust that you will give me feedback on what I can improve.

Daniel
Of course. I can't wait to read it

Kai
How about this: I'll bring a printed copy over to your house this evening.

Daniel
That would be great, if it's not too much trouble for you! I'll text you our address :)
Wait, I thought you said you're still editing

Kai
I am, but it's more like cleaning up details and things like that. I have a full copy of a previous version that's pretty close to the current one and that's the one I'll bring over.

I turn my phone off and place it face down on the desk, feeling extremely relieved that what I told him this morning didn't seem to affect how we're talking.

Am I seriously going to hand the work of my biggest insecurity to the boy I met seven days ago?

Yes, I am.

He's leaving Portland in two days.

I feel a pang in my stomach as that reality hits home. I realize how truly terrified I am of the possibility of him traveling back to L.A. and leaving me and all of the baggage of my past behind in Portland.

He wouldn't, would he?

You don't know.

It has happened before, after all.