Two Player Game

~Chapter Seventy-Eight~

"Then what happened with you almost burning to death in my house??"

"That happened because it WASN'T there, Jacob! It WASN'T doing its job!"

"I... so, it didn't make you do that?"

"No! I did that because my own fucking brain couldn't process everything that was going on at the time and I panicked!! Had a nervous fucking breakdown!! I cracked!! And I set a fucking fire and hoped to God if I locked that door behind me that I'd burn and everyone else would see the smoke and run!!" Jake just gets so mad. Y'know, he didn't even apologize. Not even once.

"I did that because I was broken and scared and I wanted to fuckin die. And I've hated myself and continued to want to fuckin die every day because of it. If I can keep an eye on Jeremy so he doesn't end up the same way, I goddamn will."

".......fine. Do what you want." He has to walk away before he even yells at him. Rich feels fuckin awful. He just made up with Jake, they just became dads together why is he so fuckin angry??

("You're doing this aren't you?")

("I'm not doing a thing. He's mad because for years he let you slide because he thought it was me. And you not even once apologized for it")

("I didn't. Because I don't regret it. What I do regret is not telling him before. Not getting him to get the hell out so he wouldn't beat the door down and drag me out.")

("And you'd regret saying that after I tell you all the things that wouldn't happen")

("Tell me one thing. One goddamn thing.")

("Jake wouldn't be alive")

(".... He what? ")

("He would be homeless and the love of his life would be gone with it. His grades would start slipping, he'd start self harm and then he would eventually-")

"Stop stop stop, I don't want to hear it anymore!" he doesn't even realize he's speaking out loud.

"I changed my mind, I don't want to hear that!" Jake doesn't bother with him. He knows he's just talking to his Squip.

"Stop, I don't want to hear about Jake being... Just tell me what I need to do next. Go back to doing your fucking job."

("You still don't call again until tomorrow. Fix your problem with Jake.") Jake's in the doorway. Arms crossed with a sort of angry-hurt look. Rich looks over.

"....I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry I burned your house down, I'm sorry I made you homeless, I'm sorry I fucked up your life so bad."

"That's not what I asked." He doesn't sound angry. Just the tiniest bit concerned. He asked something? Oh God Rich needs to get it together.

"... What did you ask?"

"What don't you want to hear about me? Me being what?"

He swallows. "... About... About what would've happened to you if I'd died in the fire."

"And what did your little mind voice tell you?"

"..." he whispers

"That you'd kill yourself."

"What?"

"If I'd died in the house fire, you wouldn't be alive right now. You'd have killed yourself after going on a long, sad spiral."

"............." Jake is quiet.

"... I don't wanna think about that. I want to hear that you'd... God get back together with Chloe and live with her or something. That you'd eventually move on and have a nice life after you got over a fuck up like me."

"Shit.......... he's right."

"You shut your mouth, Jacob, I know he is. I know he is, and that's what breaks me like this." Jake wouldn't- COULDNT live without him.

"... I know you're mad. I know, and I deserve it, but... Come here and hold me, please, cause I feel like absolute human garbage." Jake walks over and wraps his arms around him. Holding him tight. Rich returns the embrace and buries his face in Jake's chest.

"Baby, I'm so sorry." Jakes kisses the top of his head.

"I still love you. So much"

"I don't deserve it. I've been such absolute shit to you, babe, I'm so sorry, I..."

"Yes, I'm still mad, but I can't stay mad at you forever."

"You should. I'm gonna be mad at myself forever, why shouldn't you?"

"Because I love you too much to. You're the love of my life."

He grips him tighter. "Jake, I hate
myself."

"I know..." he sniffs. He hates hearing Rich say this about himself.

"I just don't want somebody else to fuck themselves up as bad as I did. Jeremy hasn't had his as long, I... I could help him keep it at bay cause his is obviously more focused on stuff that's not... It's not what he wants. And I lived with Jeremy a whole year. I care. A lot."

"I know you do. Just... do what you need to do. Help him."

"I am. I'm - I'm keeping an eye on them."