That's My Tomboy

Chapter 1

Hi. I’m Elle, 17 years old, Female by body not by heart, second year College student currently taking up Bachelor of Science in Nursing. Life has been good to me. I am attending a good school; I have parents who support my needs, a brother who always annoy me and a loving girlfriend.

Yes. You heard that right. I have a girlfriend. We have been together for almost 4 years now and I love her. It might sound unusual but yes I am a girl who loves another girl – a lesbian for many and a tomboy for everyone.

But then life hit me with a strong slap. It’s as if I was awakened from a deep slumber. I have to change. I hate to admit it but the word change suddenly struck me. I need to break up with her. Though it’s hard, I just know I have to. I cannot give her the family she has always dreamt of.

“We have to break up cynth…” This was what came out of my mouth.

She gave me a puzzled look. “Are you serious?”

“Yes I am.” I said looking down, just to avoid her eyes.

“Why? What have I done?”

I gave her a letter. A letter which brought tears to stream out of her eyes.  I can’t bear to watch it flow. But I know I just have to.

I broke the silence and said “We need to let each other go. It’s for the best.”

“Why? Give me one reason why we need to break up!” She said it angrily.

“I’m sorry.” It was all I could say. I can’t find the words to explain.

“You made me believe in forever. You said you will fight for this love. You said you will fight for us no matter what. What is this? Is this a joke?”

How I wish it was. But this is reality. I thought of something. I need to lie; I need you to believe again with another lie.

“I don’t love you anymore. I’m sorry.” And there it came out. I lied to the one I love.

Tears came out of her eyes once more. There was silence. Then, “Look into my eyes and tell me you don’t love me anymore.” She said, still crying letting out small sobs in between.

I can’t look into her eyes and say those words. But then again, I should. I looked into her eyes, tears dripping like an open faucet, sorrow hidden deep within her brown eyes. I should do this, I told myself.

“I don’t love you anymore. There, are you contented?! I’ll say it again so you’ll hear it clearly, I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!” I think I shouted it too loud.

She ran away. I wanted to run after her, but I know I have to get hold of this feeling. I know I should just let her go. It will be the best thing to do. I just hope I wouldn’t regret this decision.

I let the days pass; I tried to avoid her and our friends. Luckily, I found a friend in one of my classmates, her name is Morie. She was nice, tall and thin, and talkative. She became an instant friend, I shared everything to her and she said she will help me move on and change.

Then came one day, a day that I never expect would happen.

“Ready for next class?”  Morie said while scribbling something at the back of her notebook.

“Almost.” I replied while writing as fast as I can. How dumb am I to forget this assignment. Tsssss.

We just made it in time for the next class, Personal Development. I was not aware that the assignment would be read aloud in front of everyone. But there was a relief that it will be just for ten random students.

“I hope I won’t be picked. I really don’t like to speak in front of everyone.” I said to Morie.

“Yeah right. As always, what are you so worried about? You will just stand in front and read aloud the assignment. Nothing more, we won’t eat you.”

“Yeah, easy for you because you don’t have stage frights.” It was really easy for Morie, it’s as if she fished a bucket of confidence before coming out of her mother’s womb. I hope I have that too.

The professor called one name after another. I’m still crossing fingers. I hope I won’t be called. Then he called a name. And a tall thin guy appeared in front of us. I looked at him as he started to talk, “Hi everyone. My name is Arvin, Arvin Sanchez.”

  He looked normal, the mediocre type of guy. I heard he plays guitar and loves to draw. His eyes are quite dreamy and he’s got a fair complexion.

“If I were given only one more day to live, I would like to find my father so our family will be complete for one last time.”

I felt that. He looked up, I know he was holding his tears back. I hope he won’t do that. It’s okay to cry.

It was the first time I saw a guy like that. About to break down in tears but still keeping a hold of himself; such a noble man. Everyone was moved with what he said. It was yet a simple wish, unlike for the rest of us who answered travel around the world, be happy, make the most out of life etc etc. His answer was one of a kind.

I never thought something like that would come out from him. And because of that, I suddenly felt an attraction. Could this be possible? Could I love a man after loving a woman? These silly thoughts of mine.

I was still staring at him when I felt a nudge,”HEY! You’re next!” It was Morie.

I was too preoccupied that I didn’t hear the teacher call out my name.

 There, I’m screwed.