dear dad

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You marked my body with bruises when words just weren't enough
Made me think that when a man hit me, it was a symbol of love
Punch after punch, I tried to remain strong
I cried out for my sister's help,but she did nothing at all
Kick after kick, wondering what I did wrong
A father's touch is suppose to be gentle
But yours left me broken and mental

You reminded me that I was nothing, but a mistake
I felt meaningless like I didn't have what it takes
My anxiety was like a war that would unexpectedly outbreak
I use all my strength inside to fight it, but my body begins to ache
I come crashing down like buildings during an earthquake
I started writing, wanting to end it all, but my hand would quake
I managed to scribble down the first line for your own keepsakes
"Dear Dad, you were my first heartbreak"

You were never there when I needed you the most
I was never your little girl or the twinkle in your eyes
You left me and my mom without saying goodbye
All my life, I've asked myself why

Was it because you weren't in love with my mother?
Or was another child to much of a bother?
You made up excuses, trying to say I wasn't yours
Accused my mom of being nothing,but a slut and a whore

It's been eight years and every hurtful word was a scar engraved on my heart
A silver blade became a sailboat and my wrist was the ocean
But then lighting struck and every cut was a memory of you

Water would run over the wounds and the stinging reminded me of what you did
How could you hurt your own kid?
I wore long sleeves, ashamed that I let you get to me
A piece of me breaks when I see a happy family of  at least three
A mom, a child, and a dad who didn't leave
You didn't show me how a man was suppose to treat me
Instead I learned to make sure my child didn't end up with a deadbeat dad like you

Tuesdays, I spent my time in therapy because my anxiety grew
Every question was pointed directly back at you
I got the help I needed, I made it through
But you wouldn't care because I'm just another mistake to you

One day you'll need me the way I needed you
One day you'll miss me the way I missed you
One day you'll love me,but I won't love you
You'll realize what you put me through
But for now, I end that letter signed
"Sincerely, the child who will forget about you too"

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⏰ Última actualización: Jul 04, 2017 ⏰

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