Between the two (Completed)

KABANATA 20

Alam ko, wrong timing ang pag-uwi ko dahil buma-bagsak na ang kumpanya ng pamilya ko. Ang Lender, but I need to see Jordan. I need him.

Sa una ayaw nila akong payagan dahil natatakot sila na baka hindi si Jordan ang hinahanap ko kundi ang totoo kong pamilya at doon na 'ko tumira. But I promised them na I will not and that's not going to happen.

I love them very much, even though it is killing situation for me.

Hindi ako nakipag-kita sa mga kaibigan ko. I don't want them seeing me like this. Broken. I don't need their pittyness as of now.

It's already dark, siguro ay uulan. After some walks, nakita ko na ang hinahanap ko.

Jordan...

My heart beats so fast. Feeling ko, magpa-palpitate ako. I hold my bag. He's there. Standing. Wearing white polo and denim pants.

I missed him so much.

Nakatitig lang siya sa 'kin. Bakit parang 'yung titig niya ang sakit? Sobrang sakit? Ganito ba talaga?

Humakbang ako pero nag-salita siya. "Please, don't," then he looked away.

My heart begins to cry.

"Why? Am I not allowed to come near you? Or even touch you?"

Umiling siya. "Please, don't hurt yourself too much. Tama na, Shaz. Kakagaling mo lang din daw sa ospital."

He cared for me! So it means he's still love me, 'di ba? 'Di ba? Hindi siya mawawala sa 'kin?

Tinaas ko ang kamay ko at minuwestra na para bang inaabot ko siya. "Konti na lang oh. Malalapitan at mayayakap na kita," and now it's blurred. Hinawakan ko ang mata ko. I am already crying.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. His treatment is like the breeze I am feeling right, now. Cold.

"Why am I so afraid to lose you when you are not even totally mine at the first place?" I asked. Crying. "I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain," I smirked. Tinignan ko siya, nakatingin lang siya sa malayo. Naka-closed fist, "Hindi mo po ba 'ko nakikita? Ako 'yung laging nandito! Ako 'yung nakakasama mo. Pero ba't siya pa rin pinili mo?!"

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Yeah. Of course. Your sorry." Tapos yumuko ako at humagulgol. 'Di ko na kinaya, ang bigat bigat sa pakiramdam. Ang sarap niyang sampalin pero hindi ko magawa kasi nanghihina ako.

"I'm sorry.. but I'm going. Georgie's waiting for me."

"I hate it when I realized that I mean nothing to some people who means everything to me," napaluhod ako.

My family... and now, him? What did I do to receive all this pain from them?

"Umuulan na. Sige na, umalis kana. Naghihintay siya sa 'yo 'di ba?" Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. Kinuha niya 'yung bag. Bag pa yata 'to ni Georgie. Gentleman talaga siya. Nilabas niya 'yung payong at binukas.

"Here. And please. Don't cry, Shaznae," Nilahad niya 'yung isang payong sa akin.

"I'm not crying, rain is just falling from my eyes. Go get yourself out here," tumayo na rin ako, "Dito sa kabila 'yung way ko pauwi. So, alis kana. Georgie's waiting."