Stuck in the Illusion Called Us [Siegfrid & Eleanour]

Kabanata 18

As we travelled to Lily’s condo, I felt multitude of questions brewing in her but she just drove in silence, as if grappling with the right way to broach the subject. On the other hand, I found myself unsure if I was already prepared to delve into the details, particularly since a significant part of my life had to do with her brother.

Pagkarating namin ay hinayaan niya muna akong makapagpahinga at makapag-isa. And in the solitude of my room, I found myself contemplating how long I was going to grieve for my son’s passing.

Would I ever truly find the strength to move forward?

Alas nuebe nang lumabas ako ng kuwarto. Nahihiya na ako sa kaniya na nakailang katok at tawag na sa akin na kakain na. Reaching the living room, I discovered her seated with two pizza boxes and soda cans on the center table.

“Elie! I ordered pizza!” she beamed. “Oh, wait, you haven’t had dinner yet. I also ordered Chinese takeout. Gusto mo bang iinit ko?”

“Thanks, Lily. Pero okay na itong pizza,” sagot ko at saka ibinaling din ang tingin sa TV matapos kong dumampot ng isang slice. It was pepperoni, my absolute favorite, yet I could not muster the appetite to indulge.

As she enjoyed watching an American sitcom, I struggled to find humor, mirroring my lack of interest in food. A katulad kanina ay ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin ‘yong kagustuhan niyang magtanong sa akin.

Alright, Elie, it was time!

You could not keep this from her forever, anyway.

“Elie,” tawag niya.

Huminga ako nang malalim at inihanda ang sarili sa mga maaari niyang itanong sa akin. Pinatay niya muba ‘yong TV bago muli akong lingunin.

“I have a question,” aniya.

“Hmm?”

“Okay lang naman kung hindi mo sagutin. Maiintindihan ko. I am really just curious,” aniya pa.

“Ano ‘yon?”

“Kanina, when I peeked into the operating room and as I observed the surgery, I mean, I understand your deep concern for Connor, and it is normal for us nurses to care for our patients. Pero muntik ka nang magbreakdown.”

I forced myself to chew the pizza and swallowed.

“And what do you mean by those things you said on the rooftop?” she continued asking. “I’ve heard everything, Elie. I didn’t intentionally eavesdrop, but, well, I heard it,” she added.