Please Notice Me

PNM[3]WHAT THE✔

SUMMER'S POV

Why do I have to wake up? Why can't the bed sheets just consume me so I don't have to face Freddy?

That's weird. I haven't heard my dad bang on my door.

I slowly go to the door, open it, and go through the hallway. Once I reach my dad's room, I take a small peak inside. He is passed out on his bed.

I release a breath I was holding. Thank God. I don't have to go through a beating this morning.

I get my clothes, a purple longsleeve, loose shirt, skinny jeans, and white tennis shoes. I apply make up to myself to cover the purple bruises.

I take a long look in the mirror. Why can't I be pretty? Why can't Freddy notice me? Well he did but not the way I wanted him to. Instead, he just broke me, but strangely, his outburst doesn't change what I think about him. Even though he doesn't feel the same way about me, he is still my world. One of the reasons I smile is because I really like him, maybe even love.

I don't want to face him, but I don't have a choice.

Before I go, I open the cabinet and reach for my scissors. I pull my sleeve up and look for a spot on my arm, but there are so many cuts from last night that I can't seem to find a spot. It doesn't matter, the more pain the better. I deserve it.

I put one of the blades on top of a cut. I push it deeper and deeper. Once blood starts dripping out I slide the blade down my arm instead of sliding it across. This way the blade goes through more cuts, giving me more pain, reminding me I'm a pathetic excuse for a person.

When I reach the last cut down my arm, I do my usual clean up routine, grab my stuff, and head to school.

Once I enter the building, I go to my locker, open it, and put my backpack inside.

"Hey Summer, you feeling better?" I hear Tomika ask. I look to the side, and there she is with her books already in hand.

"I feel- not devastated. So much better than yesterday." I murmur getting my books, and surprisingly it's true.

I feel as if all the feelings left along with the tears. I’m not usually a crier-when a moment arises my dad would threaten to give me a “real reason” to cry, as he phrases it.

"That's good. Um... honey, don't you want to get rid of that?" she asks pointing at the picture of Freddy in my locker.

"No. Even though he hurt my feelings when he lashed at me, I still like him. He is my reason for smiling, well next to you. He is sweet and kind. I'm gonna keep it up," I tell her closing my locker.

She scowls deeply.

"If it’s what you really want, then fine. Humph, I should get a picture in your locker."

We both laugh softly and head to class.

FREDDY'S POV

When I woke up, Summer was the first thing that popped into my head. Ever since I snapped at Summer, I have had this weird feeling at the bottom of my stomach.

Guilt.

I didn't mean to hurt her. I wasn't thinking. My only thought was about myself and her leaving me alone. I can't believe I did that to a friend. I have to apologize to her. Fast.

I get dressed in a simple black shirt, a jacket, jeans, and black tennis shoes.

I go to school and head towards my locker but stop when I see Summer. I get around the corner and think about what I will say when I apologize. I take a deep breath and head over to say sorry, but I go back when I see Tomika head towards Summer.