This and That

Ten

[INFORMATIONS]

In yet another legal precedent set by the so-called 'dream team' of Cumbersome and Batch, a cache of images electronically captured from the literal dreams of a slumbering suspect has been submitted as evidence in a court of law. The judge ruled the set of nighttime imaginings to be admissible, however she admonished the jury that the interpretations of said content offered by the prosecution was highly dubious and could well be ignored.

[TRAFFIC]

You could make it to work in thirty four minutes but come on, it's four o'clock in the morning. Why are you even thinking about going to work now?

[SAD]

Karen A: My sister's cat has gone missing. It is a gray cat, very large and not terribly friendly. It has some kind of literary name, typical of my sister.

[MESSAGE]

Dillon S: Rosslyn your text suggesting where I can "stick this beepers thing" is disappointing. I have learned to expect a great deal more from you. However, after analyzing a composite of recent events swirling about your personal sphere of activities I have concluded I can safely disregard that message for the moment.

[NEWS]

A nominally anonymous survey conducted among employees at AllDat Corporation has revealed a tremendous amount of hostility both towards the company itself as well as specific individuals within it. A high rate of employees express dissatisfaction both with their managers and with their working conditions. It appears that the gourmet meals offered completely gratis in the brand new cafeterias is greeted with derision and contempt among the spoiled brats who constitute the bulk of the institution's employees. This sneering attitude is especially common in the engineering departments. Also of interest, there seems to be an unusually high level of gender role confusion, in the sense that there exist the misleading and erroneous concept that there even ARE different roles for different genders in the workplace.

[HIGH]

Kim S: That's when I found the turtle in the middle of the road, just out there crawling along about fifty feet from the nearest pond, so I picked it up and all this water came spilling out of its shell.

[FUNNY]

Angel A: Just wondering how monotheists feel about their god having access to all of their personal data.

[PHONY]

The Senator claimed that he had neither sent the emails nor recorded the voice mails, but that someone apparently had spoofed his identity in both cases. This reporter noted that the alleged spoofer had done an excellent job in mimicking the Senator's unique style down to the obscure small mining-town vernacular known only to a handful of old-timers from the region.

[MESSAGE]

Angel A: I also checked with my wife who had business over there in that department a few weeks back and she says there is just no way.

[WEATHER]

Tornado watch across most of those crappy southern states because let's face it, God hates twang.

[DEPRESSED]

Rosie B: I should not have stayed up until four in the morning looking at personal anecdotes on cancertreatmentscankillyou.com. A lot of people have had similar experiences with Plan A. Some of them have never fully recovered, even months after treatment was stopped, and some of them had to go off the drug because the side effects were just too hard to live with. There are people with heart conditions, people with liver infections, people with osteoporosis, people with ulcerative colitis. Of course I ended up asking myself over and over, why am I even bothering? It's not like a few more months or years of life is the greatest fucking thing in the universe. Angel's dad went through something a few years back and I remember them saying the people at hospice were really terrific and helped him a lot in the end.

[FUNNY]

Angel A: I did a thorough background check and yup, I can safely say it was indeed a background.