Protection

Chapter 20

My fingers automatically reach up to touch it. I memorize every indent and curve of the bird on the chain and hiccup as I do so.

I figured if I wasn't there with you for some reason in a dangerous situation, then it could be a charm that would keep you safe.

It is a lie. Even when he was gone, he was the one to return and save me. The necklace didn't do anything; it was all him.

If he dies tonight, then I will be left with nothing. He was wrong when he said a necklace would protect me.

So I think of it as one of the only things I will have left of him, and I leave the bathroom after quickly mopping up the watery mess I made on the counter with paper towels.

Caleb approaches me when I reenter the waiting room. "Mom and Dad landed a few minutes ago," he tells me. "Mom will be here soon, but Dad has to go home and deal with the police."

"Okay." There's not much to say to that because them being here won't help much. It may comfort me, but Tobias will still be dying.

And I finally begin to understand: all of the money I have does not pay for the important things. Sure, I can satisfy my material needs, but when it comes down to survival, it is useless.

Money will not save the life of the man I love.

xXxXx

As I begin to doze off on my mother's shoulder for the first time tonight, a door clicks open, and a group of surgeons, whose scrubs are covered in blood, exit the room they first wheeled Tobias into. I am on my feet and wide awake in half a second, rushing over to the one who lingers by the door and scans the room to find a family member.

"Is he okay?" I blurt out. These next words could either devastate me or take away all my fears.

"He's stable," he announces, addressing my mother as well. "He was extremely lucky to get a liver transplant; it came from another man who was unfortunately killed in a car accident tonight. We're pretty sure he is in the clear, but we're going to wean him off the anesthesia and keep a close eye on him for the next hour or so. Then he can have visitors."

"Thank you," I breathe, feeling like all the pressure and pent up tension has been released from my body. I shuffle back to my chair and sink down into it, contemplating life.

Tobias is going to be okay.

The fact that I almost lost him still traumatizes me. I couldn't handle not being with him for a week, so how would I have survived the rest of my life?

I am relieved that I don't need to fret about that. It is like waking up from a stressful nightmare and realizing that you don't have to worry about a problem because it was not real.

"How are you feeling?" my mother asks. Up until this point, I wasn't talking to my family members much.

"Fine," I lie. I am actually a million things at once: overjoyed, tired, upset, relieved, still a little stressed... But this has been a catharsis, so my mood goes directly to sorrow. "I thought I was going to lose him tonight, Mom." I wipe a stray tear and bite my quivering bottom lip. "He looked so weak, and there was so much blood and—"

"Oh, sweetie." I sob into her shoulder when she pulls me into a comforting hug. "He's okay now."

My voice sounds nasally because of my stuffed nose when I reply, "He was so close to death though. You didn't see his face..."

She holds me for a while longer as I let all the pent up frustration out. It is strange because she is never there to act all motherly like she is now, but I get used to it. It turns out to be very helpful when she gets me to relax substantially.