Damaged

Chapter 4

A/N: Hello everyone! I am so so SO sorry about taking so long to update. I've been struggling with some personal issues, as well as some major writer's block. I'm back now, I promise! I would like to update every week, but more realistically it might be two weeks, at least at first. Work with me here; it will all be worth it in the end! So here you all go, Chapter 4 at last! Vote and comment if you like it. As always, enjoy and take care! :)

I don't know what I hate more: School, or putting up with my father. By Monday morning, however, staying at home was definitely in the lead. Weekends were always hell, but this one was different. Saturday was the five-year anniversary of my mother's death. I walked to the cemetery and spent some time by her grave for the first time since the funeral. My dad would always refuse to let me go, saying he didn't want me anywhere near "his wife." This year, I decided that I wouldn't let him ruin this day for me any longer. I didn't care what he had to say anymore, at least when it came to my mother. I brought a dozen pink carnations -her favorite- and set them up in a pretty crystal vase on the bottom of her stone.

God, I miss her so much. I can't believe she's already been gone for so long. I can still remember the sound of her voice, the smell of her perfume, the warmth of her hugs, and the light that radiated off of her. I remember her laugh; her smile; the way she looked at me, like I was her greatest achievement in life. Most of all, I remember her love for me. Always unconditional, I knew no matter what, she would always support me without judgement. It never mattered how bad or stupid my mistakes were, she always stood by me, encouraging me to stay strong and keep going. One of the best and worse things about her is that she loved to talk; about anything and everything. I remember me sometimes getting so annoyed at her constant chattering, a trait I now miss desperately.

My favorite memory I had with my mother is also one of the last ones we shared. We decided to take a weekend vacation to San Francisco, just the two of us. We spent most of our time at the Botanical Gardens in Golden Gate Park. We sat at a bench in front of the rocky pond, surrounded by the greenest grass I've ever seen. Encircling the pond were bushes and trees of all sizes, most famously the century old Giant Redwood Sequoias. There weren't many people around so it was so peaceful and quiet; just my mother and I left alone for some much-needed alone time. It's funny how something so simple as just sitting and talking can make such an impact on our lives. I think we talked more in that weekend that we ever have. She told me about everything; her grandparents and how sad she was that I never met them, many childhood stories, the day she met my father, their wedding day, when she found out she was pregnant, and the day I was born.

She told me that it was her dream since she was a little girl to have a daughter. She often went to stores and just browsed through all the baby girl clothes and toys, longing for the day she would have one of her own. When I was born, she said she cried more than she ever had before; just happy she finally had a girl of her own. They named me after her grandmother. She immigrated to America from France with her family at seventeen years old. My mother always spoke very highly of her, saying that she was the greatest, most caring woman she had ever known.

My father was ecstatic about my birth as well. Up until I was about eight, he was everything to me. Him and my mother always told me I'd wake up in the middle of the night just at the sound of his voice, and he'd have to pick me up and hold me until I fell back to sleep. He would constantly spend time with me; always taking me to parks, road trips, anywhere we wanted to go. There was actually a time he would do anything for me. There was a time I could never imagine him hating me, and now I know the feeling all too well.

I return to reality, noticing I was now crying. Thinking back when my mom was alive and seeing how things are now, my heart breaks. To go from a kid who is loved more than anything to being absolutely nothing kills me inside. The two most important people in my life left me. I don't blame my mom for dying, I just hate all the good in my dad that died along with her. The voice that would wake me in the middle of the night is now the voice I hear saying such horrible things. The dad that loved me no matter what, now can't even tolerate me unless I obey his every word. The only man a girl should be able to count on, has left me this broken and empty shell of a person.

I look at my mother's grave and read the stone above it.

Trinity Williams

1972-2004

"An amazing daughter, sister, wife, and mother. She was taken long

before her time, but in her short life she had accomplished so much.

We are so proud of you Triny, and will always miss you. See you on the

other side."

I try to hold back some more tears, but fail miserably. "I miss you so much, Mama," I said between sobs. "I need you so badly right now. I can't take life without you much longer. Everything is falling apart; it has been for a long time now. I just can't take much more. What do I do?" Still crying, I collapse onto my knees, unable to stand up. I put my face in my hands and weep more than I have in so long.

"Desiree." I put my head back up and look around, trying to find the source of the voice. Between my eyes burning from the tears and a headache from being so upset, I find myself all alone in the cemetery. All around me are deserted graves, evident that this part of the cemetery is rarely visited. "Desiree." I look around some more, still no evidence of another person around. "Who's there?" I respond. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a flicker of white. I turn around to find myself in front of a forest; one that I've never noticed before. I knew this was the first time seeing it, but there was an eerie familiarity that drew it to me. I decide to enter the enormous patch of trees.