Lipstick Lullaby

Chapter Eighteen

"Paano ang kasal niyo?"

"I don't know, Saskia." I tightly shut my eyes and huffed, feeling the pressure in my chest. "Hindi pa namin napapag-usapan yun. Our relationship is kind of rocky right now."

"Sorry talaga, Migs." She said in a low voice as she fidgeted with her hand.

"She had sex with another man to get even with me." My voice croacked so I had to clear my throat. I was trying so bad not to explode in anger and tears. I was the first man who'd ever touched her and I thought I'd be the last and only one. I couldn't stand the thought of another man having her. 

Gulat na nag-angat ng tingin sa akin si Saskia. I saw mixture of shock and sympathy. "Migs..."

"I hurt her and now she wants to hurt me back. I didn't expect her to understand pero hindi ko din inaasahan na gagawin niya iyon. I don't know what she plans to do next but I don't want to leave her. I don't want to end our relationship like this. We've hurt each other but in spite of everything, I still love her." I exhaled. 

"Sana maayos niyo pa yan." She looked at me with sad eyes. "Hindi naman ako maghahabol o hihingi ng kahit ano mula sa inyo. Hindi ko kayo guguluhin at hindi din naman kailangan malaman ng iba. Gusto ko lang sustentuhan mo ang baby natin. Gusto ko lang magkaron siya ng magandang kinabukasan."

"I will not keep my child hidden, Saskia. It's my child and everyone will know of it. Kung hindi niya kayang tanggapin ang magiging anak natin, if she makes me choose between her and the baby, I'll choose our baby. Ayaw kong balang-araw isipin niya na tinatago ko siya dahil isa siyang pagkakamali. Do you understand?"

She nodded her head. Even though I was intoxicated last night, I knew I wanted whatever happened to us last night to happen. I needed comfort and I found it in her. I always find it in her. It made me feel terrible because I felt like I just used her. Na galit ako kay Hazel but it never crossed my mind to get back to her by having sex with Saskia. Nangyari na lang iyon. It was maddening to be near her beacuse I lose control everytime. I'd always been in control until her. Last night, I feel like a wild animal let out of its cage, so I acted like a wild animal do. It was so primal. It amazed me how instinctual the whole things was. She unbalances me but at the same time balances me with the imbalances. I was like a can of soda that had been shaken up too hard. All the pressure inside me built up and with Saskia, I found release. Dear Lord, I knew this was wrong from the very beginning but still I dove in head first.

"I'm sorry for taking advantage of you." I brushed my fingers through my aching head.

"Hindi ganon yun. Sabi mo nga, pareho natin ginusto ang nangyari. Mali ang ginagawa natin, at sa totoo lang nakokonsensya na ako dahil alam kong may nasasaktan tayong tao pero pareho natin ginusto iyon." She stressed out and then sighed. "Masakit ba ang ulo mo?"

"Just a little." I said even though I felt like my head was being cracked in half.

"Mabuti pa maligo ka muna para maginhawaan ka naman ng konti. Bababa lang ako para magluto. Kung gusto mo, sumabay kang mag-agahan sa amin." She said.

I nodded my head. Maybe a shower would make me feel better.I quietly watched as she stood from the bed clutching the blanket around her naked body. She put on underwear and a nightdress.

"Saskia." I said as she reached over the doorknob. She paused and turned her head to me. "I know we met in a wrong way. I know what we're doing is wrong but you're the only thing that's keeping me sane. If something good can come from the bad then it's our baby. Thank you, Saskia."

"Migs." She smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Wala akong naiintindihan masyado sa sinabi mo pero welcome." She said before turning the knob and walked out of the room.