7 Days // a.i

Day 6

It's happened. I knew it would but I was just so vulnerable and I needed someone. Its been six days Ashton and today seems like the day where the reality of it all is crashing down on me.

So what has happened exactly? Calum and I did it. Yeah, thats right. We did. I was in my room, randomly looking through photos and I came across a photo of you. It was at a little party we held for you. For being one year off. For some reason i triggered something in my brain and I screamed. Screamed loudly and then cried. Calum heard me and came rushing to my help.

He held me. Rocked me back and forth. Whispered sweet nothings into my ear and let me stain his signature Nasa shirt with my tears. I knew I looked horrible. A wreck. As if someone ran their car over my face but Calum stayed by my side. I told him he could go and that Im too much of a wreck to be with but nevertheless he stayed.

After all my tears were gone, Calum held my chin up and made me look him in the eyes as he tells me that he will always be there. We hugged but then as we separated our faces were closer than usual. And of course he leaned in and kissed me.

It felt electrifying. After the absence of affection from you, I finally felt love. Calum loves me. One thing led to another and now I sit on my bed, naked. As Calum takes a shower.

It pains me deep inside. Not only because I did it with Calum but also because we did it in our old bedroom. Which has now been occupied by me only. Only me, ever since you fell back to your alcohol. Calum told me he loves me still and he assured me that he can wait until I say it back. Then he left for his shower.

After my time with Calum, I suddenly remembered the first time you made love to me. You told me I was beautiful without my make-up, you told me I didn't need baggy clothing to cover up my body because you loved me for who I am.

Funny enough, Calum said the same things. I'm pretty sure he said something about babies and families. Or maybe thats just me. You knew how much of a family oriented person I am. I remember our family talk. How you said you would want to start a family. Marry me. Be able to take me around everywhere but of course that won't happen because you decided your old habits were better.

It's ok though. I mean, when I dated Calum (before you) we talked about families too. I never forgot the thought and wouldn't mind it. Even now Calum doesn't mind it. I hope you don't mind it. I'm sure you won't. You chose your habits over having a family with me.

But don't worry, I'll be sure to name a child after you. Calum would make a great dad. Don't you think? I think so. You saw how he was with your brother and sister. You've seen him with kids so, if one day we have a child, I'm sure he'll be fine.

Calum is a lovely person Ash. He's kept all the promises we made, so far and I hope he doesn't turn out the way you did. Falling back. Because I don't think I can stand knowing Calum has fallen back too.

Calum loves me Ash and I have to say this: I love Calum too. I do Ash, I do.

I love Calum Thomas Hood.