The Pledge (Jalex)

Toxic

Alex didn't talk to me for about a week. He didn't even come to school. Of course, I was beyond worried, but I knew how he was and that I shouldn't bother him. He just needs space, is what I would tell myself. Alex cared about me, this was a fact. Sometimes, he just had a funny way of showing it.
The worry was getting to me, so I argued with myself over whether or not I should call Alex. Normally, Alex would at least come to school, but since he hadn't, and I knew that he hadn't seemed like himself, I was worried that something terrible had happened to him. More than anything, I just needed to know if he was okay. Finally, I came to the decision to go over to his house. On my way over, I called Alex twice, of fucking course, he didn't answer. When I was at the Gaskarths' front door, I almost regretted my decision and turned back around.
My hand rapped against the door lightly, hoping that maybe no one was home. Moments later, Mrs. Gaskarth opened the door. She looked tired, but her face lit up when she saw me.
"Hello, Jack. It's been a while, how're you?" She let me in, and continued asking me questions about my life.
"I'm, uh, okay. Can, you, just, er, tell me if Alex is okay?" I asked her. I didn't want to piss off Lex any more than he probably already was. I just wanted to know how he was, and I would go.
"Oh, you can go see for yourself. He's in his room." Mrs. Gaskarth said, gesturing to his room. I shook my head.
"N-No, just is he okay?" I pressed, lowering my voice so he wouldn't hear me. Her face fell.
"He could use a friend, Jack. Go see him." My stomach dropped. I did want to see him, believe me, I did, but it'd make things worse. "Come on, please?" She lightly shoved me to his room. Boldly, she knocked on the door for me. "Honey, your friend, Jack is here to see you." Then she left me, standing outside his door. The same spot I'd been when he'd told me to just go. The door slowly opened, creaking slightly.
Alex didn't look happy to see me at all. There were still a few cuts on his face, but those had scabbed over, most of his bruises appeared to have healed. There was a dark ring around his neck and he was even skinnier.
"Alex?" I smiled weakly at him. He didn't smile. He grabbed me by my arm roughly and pulled me into his room. He shut the door behind me. "I'm sorry."
"The fuck, Jack?" He snarled. I flinched at his tone. "I don't want to see you."
"I was worried, I was going to leave."
"You never should have came."
"Why're you being such an asshole?"
"Because I thought I made my point clear."
"You did-"
"Then why're you here?" I fell silent and didn't say anything else. The ring on his neck hadn't been there before...
"Alex, what happened to your neck?" I asked him. His face softened and he looked away from me. He was quiet for a while and he mumbled something. "What was that?"
"I tried to hang myself." He admitted, his voice barely audible. "But the rope broke, so..I'm still here." He looked up at me, tears in his eyes. "You shouldn't have come."
"Lexy, just talk to me, please? Maybe I can help you." I felt the desperate need to just hold him and kiss him, and tell him that everything was going to be okay.
"No, you can help me by leaving."
"But, Lexy-"
"Please, don't." He kissed me softly. "I'm sorry." I opened my mouth to speak, but he just kissed me again. "I-I, just...come over for breakfast tomorrow." I nodded.
"Okay."
"See you then." And with that, he pushed me out of his room. I smiled a little. Maybe things were starting to get better. But, why had that kiss seemed so sad?

It was Sunday morning, the sun was bright, and I was going to have breakfast with Alex. When he opened the door for me, he only smiled weakly at me. Not once did he kiss me. Alex had made scrambled eggs. He knew I only ate eggs if they were scrambled. We were sitting across from each other, eating silently. Usually, the silence would be comfortable, but this time, it wasn't, it just felt empty. His fork clattered to his empty plate and he looked up at me.
"I think we should break up." His voice held no emotion, but there were tears in his eyes. "We had a good run, Jacky." It took a moment for his words to truly register with me. When they did, everything began to hurt. It felt like someone had stabbed me in the gut. I felt angry, hurt and really upset. I wanted to ask why, but held my tongue. Alex wiped at his eyes. Why was he crying? He was dumping me. I looked down at my empty plate. I wanted to puke. A sob escaped him, and I could feel myself crying as well.
"I guess I should go then." I sniffled and stood. He stood as well and embraced me.
"I-I love you, so, so, much." He whispered. I was confused and even more angry. If he loved me, then why was he hurting me in the most painful way possible? Though I shouldn't have, I hugged him back. He leaned up to kiss me, but he stopped. He let go of me. "I'll see you around." I nodded wordlessly.
Leaving the house felt so much worse than it had when I had arrived. Why was he doing this? Why hadn't I said anything? There was so much I didn't understand. I was openly crying when I walked back to the Dawsons' house.
"Hey, Jack- What's wrong?" Rian asked me as I passed him. I shrugged and went into my room, closing the door shut. I just wanted to be alone.
It's hard to describe the things I was feeling. I was defiantly pissed and confused. But more than anything, I was hopeful that it was all just a dream, and that I would wake up and be a kid again. I mean, how could the feelings between me and Alex get to this point?
He'd said he loved me, but still broke up with me. Perhaps he saw our relationship as toxic. That would be completely understandable. Neither of us were bullied, until we got together. I still lived with my family, Alex hadn't even so much as thought about suicide, things had been good. Our relationship caused all of this. And that fact just intensified all of my emotions. I kept my distance from everyone, because I wanted to avoid the heartache. But, I had taken a risk on Alex, and I was left alone.
Did I love him? I don't know. I cared a lot for him. The thing is, I wanted to let myself be open with him. I wanted to open my heart and love him.
As I cried into my pillow for hours on end, I came to a realization. Perhaps, I did love Alex. Perhaps, just like me, when he realized his feelings, he freaked out. Thinking about him hurt me to my core, but the thoughts wouldn't leave me alone. Of fucking course. I always loved what hurt me the most.

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A/N: This is the second to last chapter, but don't worry, I'm making another part to this story, it'll be in Alex's POV, since there's a reason behind Alex's dumping Jack.