Perceive

Prologue

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The tears are dribbling down my face, landing on the cold bathroom floor. I'm lying down. Knees pulled up. Shivering. I'm scared. Terrified. And I can't get the voices out of my head. I slam my fist against the floor. 'Stop!' I scream, grabbing the phone in front of me, throwing it in the wall with all of my power. The screen shatter and pieces of glass spread all over the room as it lands on the floor, adding to mixture of the already broken shards of mirror. I feel a sting of satisfaction, but it disappears in the blink of an eye. I'm going insane, I know it. I stare at the pieces of shattered glass in front of me. A thought crosses my mind but I shake it off.

I look up at the bathtub across the room; I almost forgot I had put on the water, despite the harsh noise of it hitting the surface. It's almost flooding. Normally I would've panicked at the sight, but I just lay there, watching, until it finally starts spilling over the edge, sending a shiver of delight down my spine. I slowly get to my feet and walk over to the bathtub to turn it off, hardly acknowledging the pieces of glass that get stuck in my feet. The room goes quiet as I turn off the faucet. I look down at the mess on the floor; water, glass all mixed with my own blood. I sigh and step into the tub, ignoring the water flooding over the edges as I sit down. I stare down at my feet, little clouds of red rise above them in the water before dissolving completely. I'm too numb too feel it, but I imagine it will hurt a lot tomorrow. Tomorrow.

There is a loud bang, causing the light in the ceiling to blink. I close my eyes and let my head disappear under the water. The sounds I hadn't even been aware of earlier suddenly disappear. All I can hear is my own thoughts, haunting me, like the monsters I used to be afraid of as a child. That is something you realise as you grow older. There are no monsters hiding under your bed, or in your closet. They're all inside of you, luring, waiting for you to become weak, so weak that they might actually have a chance of winning. I let my mouth break through the water surface to take a breath. I wonder if my demons will win over me eventually. Maybe it would be easier. To just give in, I mean. After all, what am I fighting for?  I stretch my hand towards the floor, reaching for one particularly large piece of glass. I stare at it, suddenly realising exactly why people hurt themselves. I squeeze it until I feel a sting of pain, and drops of red start falling from my palm. It would take a whole lot more to make my pain go away, but at least it works as a distraction. I sigh and drop the piece of glass back on the floor.

I close my eyes and let my head slide down under the water again. There is a distant sound of banging against the door. 'Go away' I whisper. More banging, this time more urgent. I start humming, to conceal the sound coming from the outside world. I wish they would leave me alone.

~