Miraculous Headache

Them Egyptians Be Swole

She was wrong.

"S'up, everybody, your girl Alya here on a random street corner somewhere in Paris!" the recording of the bespectacled girl waved to Marinette. She squinted at the video's background. The buildings looked familiar... "Not exactly sure where I am. In fact, I think it's safe to say I'm lost. Ooh! What do you guys think about a Getting Lost blog? Leave a comment below."

Marinette's heart stopped as she heard the approaching thump-thump of helicopter blades. "I AM HELI-CHOPPER! ALL SHALL KNOW MY WINGSPAN!" boomed a mechanized voice. The camera tilted up and Marinette saw herself as Ladybug dangling from a flying anthropomorphized helicopter.

Ladybug didn't seem bothered being swung about by the machine, rather she seemed bored. Chat Noir on the other hand was scrambling to hang on to her backpack.

"Will you just let go?" Ladybug sighed.

"You're the one who's fall-proof, my lady!"

Marinette grabbed the arms of her seat as she remembered what happened next. Chat repositioned himself a little too close to her waist and she instinctively tried to kick him. The ensuing body shuffle ripped her bag open. Something flung out and hit the street corner.

Heli-Chopper carried the heroes away, leaving a thick history textbook for Alya.

"No way!" Alya faced the camera, "Ladyblog followers, this is no ordinary book. This is a history textbook for tenth graders! We finally have an age confirmation! Sorry, speculators, I know she looks like she's 30, but we've got a teenage superhero in Paris." Marinette was too busy having a mental breakdown to react to that last part. "I'm officially on the trail, people, stay tuned while I uncover Ladybug's secret identity!"

The video ended.

Marinette stared at her reflection in the dark screen. A tiny, red and black polkadotted head slowly raised itself over her shoulder, its cold lifeless doll eyes bored into her soul.

"...I'm sorry..." Marinette whispered.

"A teenager?!" Adrien pushed his gold plated rolling chair from his 12 screen computer setup in disgust.

"Wow, man," Plagg said through his mouthful of camembert cheese from his bed of camembert in his camembert castle, "looks like you have more in common that you thought. Far out."

"Unbelievable! For all I know, she could be one of my classmates!" Adrien then proceeded to throw the giant oil portrait of Ladybug he had commissioned into his bedroom fireplace.

"Whoa, buddy, what's the deal?" Plagg lazily remained in his cheese bed but miraculously managed to raise an eyebrow to show his confusion at Adrien's anger.

"I am not into little girls, okay," Adrien huffed, "I prefer mature women. Those who can hold a conversation about the finer things, who show love not through mindless giggling but respect and a helping hand. I want a woman who I can look up to."

"What, like a MILF(4)?"

"Exactly!" Adrien sighed as the weight of the situation hit him. He watched his former love's image burn. "And if she's nothing like that. If she's just another teenager with a pretty face... I guess this is over."

"So, should I, like, delete your Ladybug porn, man?"

"I didn't say that."

Marinette hid under her bed, biting her nails. Tikki stood on her desk, silently re-watching the incriminating video. She paused it on a frame of Alya's excited face.

The Kwami tilted her misshapen head towards the cowering girl with a smile, "You disappoint me, Marinette," she sang.

Marinette could see cracks in the smile. The slight twitch in the corners betrayed her true anger. The malignant spirit that had cursed her life floated to the floor and made her way towards her sanctuary. "What do I always say?"