(JIKOOK) Texting Story Snippets

Scared

"Don't be hurt, love. That's how I felt before, not right now. Right now is the time I want to be with you more than ever. I was fucked up, I didn't treat you right. It's not that I didn't love you more than anything, I just didn't understand how much I need you." Jungkook is aware of the altered tone in Jimin's voice before when he spoke. He's hit a nerve, maybe a bad one. He almost winces as he waits for Jimin to talk.

"So, all that time we were together, you weren't taking me seriously?"

"Mochi, I'm taking you seriously now. That's why it's so hard for me, I don't always know what I'm doing. I just don't want to mess anything up again."

Jimin pulls the phone away from his ear and places it on the bed beside him. He takes in a deep breath, holding it for a while to calm his thumping heartbeat. He's not even sure if he should be feeling so upset by the truth Jungkook is feeding him, but it's making him feel like everything they had together before was just.. disposable. No, that's not right. Jungkook isn't like that. They were in love, they're still in love. He can't let himself get worked up so much over the past, because that's always been their main source of suffering already. He picks his phone up again and presses it back to his ear. Silence. "What exactly is going to happen to us now?"

"Love, I don't know. I'm just trying really hard to tell you what I'm thinking about so you can know me better."

"Are you thinking about our future now?"

Jungkook bites his bottom lip and lets out a deep breath. "I am, Jimin. I'm thinking about a future with you now. All the damn time."

"All the time?"

"I can't stop thinking about it."

"Then, where's your train of thought? What does our future look like?"

"That's a hard question to answer, love."

"Just tell me what you're thinking about all the time." Jimin persists.

"Our future, our life together when we get older. Living with you, waking up together every day. That kind of stuff."

Jimin can feel his nerves being tapped on again. "You weren't thinking of this before?"

"Not the way that I am now. This is the reason I want to slow down."

"What is?"

"My brain is making things go so fast, but when I'm with you it's like I'm normal again and we're just teenagers in high school. When I'm alone, I think too fast. I'm thinking too far ahead. I miss you too much and I find myself realizing that I'm so stupid for breaking up with you. I realize it over and over again." Jungkook huffs into the phone. "Jimin, I think about us, five years, maybe ten years into the future and we're married and we're happy and then I start thinking about all the ways that I can possibly mess that up before we can get there, if you would ever even want to get there with me and it just," His voice breaks suddenly and Jungkook clears his throat to continue. "It tears me apart."

Like the wool has been lifted from his eyes, Jimin can see all the pieces of the most difficult puzzle to ever complete fall into place before him. "You want to marry me?"

"I'm not asking you to marry me now, I know we're young and that's.." Jungkook pauses to catch his breath and settle his shaky voice. "I'm thinking about it. I think about it too much and it scares me."

"Do you think I don't want to?"

"I don't know. You said before, when I told you about the way that my parents are, we're in high school."

"That doesn't mean that I don't think about it, too, baby." Jimin brings his fingers to his lips, nervously grabbing at the bottom one. "It doesn't mean that I don't want to, one day."

"It scares me even more if you're thinking about it, too."

"Does hard commitment make you feel uncomfortable?"

"I really think so, but I know that I want it. I know that I don't want to lose my chance at having a full life with you, but it honestly scares the shit out of me."

Jimin doesn't say anything for a moment, his thoughts running wild as he tries to catch up with them. It's a lot to absorb in one sitting. "So, you want to slow things down between us because you're thinking too fast about our future? That's what you're saying?"

"Does it sound stupid now?"

"No. Also yes. You're scared of actually getting what you want, because it means forever. You want forever with me, but the weight of it terrifies you. You don't want to lose me, so you want to make sure that you doing everything right, but you don't really know what that means. So, in conclusion, this whole idea of taking it slow is just your elaborate plan of prolonging the inevitable which is exactly what you want to happen so really, you're just making your own life harder."

"Wait." Jungkook feels his mind empty, all understanding of the entire conversation he just had with Jimin vanished. "I feel so confused now. The inevitable? What's inevitable?"

Jimin rolls his eyes, but an unintentional smile graces his lips. "Getting married, baby. The inevitable. Isn't that our future?"

"Jimin!" Jungkook sighs, clapping a hand to his forehead in exasperation. "What part of that scaring the shit out of me don't you understand?"

"But you just said you want it!"

"You.. You're really too much sometimes."

Jimin hums. He understands the way Jungkook thinks, Jungkook thinks too hard, too much. It's exhausting to ride the roller coaster with him, but even if it makes Jimin feel dizzy, he'd choose it over any other ride any day. "Baby, even when your thoughts are serious like this, you can talk to me about them. If it scares you, that's fine. We won't go anywhere you don't want to go, not until you're ready to go there. Lets just enjoy being together as long as we will be. You don't have to worry about messing up so much as long as you keep me in your life."

"Mochi, I have a headache." Jungkook rubs in between his eyes, blowing out another breath of hot air. In some way, he feels calmer after talking with Jimin and opening up to him about what he thinks about when he is all alone. Every nerve inside of his body is shot. "I wish you were here so I could stop thinking."

"You know, the up side of living with Hobi is that he's the best at covering for me. I could get away with coming over tonight, if you want me to."

"Would you, please?"

"Come get me."

"Are you still afraid of the dark?"

"Shh, just hurry up, but be careful."

Jungkook lets his lips curl into a small smile. "Yeah Mochi, I'll be there."

Jimin laughs softly. "I love you, baby."