Three Little Birds

Weakness

I closed my eyes in an attempt to regain control over myself, took a deep breath and slid off the stool Liz had previously placed me on.

When I opened my eyes my breath caught and I found myself staring, wide-eyed and entrapped within his beauty. I had never before seen someone as beautiful as he, and I looked down as the whispering began. I bit my lip and sighed.

"Mattie." I looked up at the sound of my name and Liz was smiling, a small giggle escaping her at whatever he had said when I wasn't paying attention.

"This is my little brother, Mykel. Little brother, this is Mattie."

Mykel smiled at me, his bright eyes boring into mine. His face and body were chiseled from a Renaissance dream, making the statue of David obsolete in terms of beauty. His smile sent shivers down my spine and his voice, when he spoke, made me feel like I was flying. His arms were decorated in elaborate tattoos, splashed with colored and black ink.

I looked at Liz as she started speaking again. "Mykel just moved out this way a few months back; finally escaping the clutches of our parents' dungeon." She laughed lightly and he smiled back at her. I swallowed at the metaphor, willing my mind to pay attention to the now.

"Yeah, well, Lizzy wouldn't shut up about this town, so I thought I'd try it out." He smiled as Liz backhanded his shoulder. He turned that million-watt smile on me and I felt my face redden at the attention.

"So you're the Mattie that Liz never shuts up about. Nice to finally have a face with the name." He smiled again and I felt my own lips twitch upward and I looked down, unable to keep his stare.

He rapped on the counter twice then with his knuckles, pursing his lips slightly. He looked at me again and I couldn't quite place the look he had given me before looking away.

"Well, I better get going, Lizzy. I'll see you at home. Bye, Mattie."

I smiled shyly and waved back before averting my eyes to the counter again.

The morning was a bit slower than usual, which gave me time to think. It also gave Liz more time to dote on me. She watched me carefully as she set up the rest of the coffee machines and I wiped down the tables throughout the afternoon.

Soft music played in the background, and an elderly couple sat on a couch in the corner reading that morning's paper together while drinking their coffee. I smiled sadly to myself.

I jumped slightly as I felt a hand on my shoulder, looking quickly to my left and trying my hardest not to shrink away.

I met the worried eyes of Liz and tried to smile. I knew I failed terribly when her worried look deepened.

"Sweetie, go sit in the back for a bit," she told me this so gently it made me want to cry.

I looked at the elderly couple to find them staring, then my eyes wandered down to the broken cup that I had picked up from the table I was cleaning. I don't remember dropping it. My hands shook. My whole body shook. I nodded and said nothing more as I turned and walked into the back room.

I went into the little office Liz did her paperwork in and sat down on the floor, smashed behind the desk and the filing cabinet. I drew my legs up and tried to calm down. I couldn't do this here.

I hate small spaces. Even now. But I found that's where I go in moments like this. Small spaces.

I didn't want to do this here. Usually, I'm alone when these attacks hit. Usually, I'm alone. Unless I'm here. I tried to control my breathing and not let any tears fall.

I don't know how long I sat there before I heard Liz calling out to me. I shrank deeper into the filing cabinet, instinctively hiding in small spaces. I didn't want her to find me like this. The part of my mind that remained rational throughout kept screaming at me not to let her see this weakness. The other part, the irrational mind that was still that trapped child was screaming also. He was terrified and suddenly I wasn't in that little office anymore. I was in the closet.