Dear Someone,
What a lovely day to chat.
I woke up in a good mood today, and hoped you did the same.
I thought of you last night.
Did you think of me?
Remember when we first met?
I remember it so vividly.
You sat there so still yet full of anxiety,
Yours didn't show.
Mine did.
I shook as you handed me my ticket,
Not knowing you were buying,
I told you I was nervous,
You assured me not to be.
I felt so comfortable with you.
I was scared to ever meet you.
Was I too fat?
Was I too ugly?
Did I move too fast?
Did I come off too strong?
Was I not enough for someone like you?
Those fears soon went away.
But they ended up coming back.
Two weeks went by.
I went to camp and you stayed home.
We made the best of what we could,
And I talked to you more than I called home.
Everyone warned you and I even warned myself,
Don't get close, you'll ruin him too.
But I continued.
It felt like a dream come true.
I never knew I could feel this way.
Talking from day to night for weeks until school started.
And I felt like I was floating.
Two weeks in.
I came back home and I finally went to your house.
It was a little awkward. I sat on your bed and wouldn't let you touch me.
The next day came and I went over again.
This time more comfortable and ready than ever.
We finally kissed.
I had no makeup on.
Just a pair of shorts and a red and white VS shirt.
You still found me perfect.
We went out that night.
I'll always remember it.
The best night of my life.
I had so much fun and you were amazing.
We snuck away to our now loved place.
In that dugout is where we became this now.
It was a bumpy first three months,
It was too much for you,
You left me when I needed you most.
You hated me.
You wanted me gone.
I broke.
I couldn't even get you to stay.
Two and a half months later you came back,
But I was still broken from before,
But I did my best in order to be what you wanted...
I failed
Two months later you were gone again.
I gave up.
You hurt me.
You lied.
You hurt me so much.
Even now.
I'm doing everything you want me to do.
And yet I'm still not enough.
Your apologies have become empty,
Every word is in vain,
And I question every "I love you" that you spit out.
But I love you and I forgive everything you've done and do.
But why am I not enough?
Why don't you see me as the girl you fell in love with...
Why is everyone better than me...
Why were they...
I'm hurting...
Please, please, please stay.
I've never needed anyone in my life.
Not even my family.
But for some reason you have me in your grasp,
I can't escape.
I love you.
Mind, body, and soul.
I'll give you everything you want in life.
Just ask for it.
It's yours.
I'm pathetic.
I'm a sad excuse for a human,
I'm a piece of shit,
And no I'm not worthy of you,
I'm a horrible person,
And someone not worthy of love,
But I'm doing my best,
Isn't that enough?
