Weapons Aren't the Only Thing that Kills

I can only Wish for Now

I wish I could say the truth to you, that this pain wasn't just from everyone else. That I don't mean to force myself to be happy, I do it for you. I force the pain down deep inside of me so I can help everyone else, so I can become a better friend... for you to actually notice me... I keep myself busy by talking to other people so I don't have to feel the pain that you have caused me but it doesn't take away the painful memories. You, I wish... I wish you'd realize someone for once, rather then using me for your own games then leaving me once you are done. Can't you see me laying on the floor covered in blood slowly crawling on the ground? I bet you do because you kick me  every time, I finally think I've gotten to you. You cause this pain inside of me & yet you still play the same games with my heart, brain, body, mind, soul, and most of all, my trust... you have fucked me over, lied to me, treated me like shit, fucked with my feelings, and left. Then came back to me when you were down & I gave you everything to get you back up, but never once have you offered me your hand. You called me names, that have been permanently been stained to my mind, heart, and skin. How am I suppose to live my life when you have fucked me over so many times, Give me an answer because I've fought & fought but have gotten no where! I am no longer taking hands of others because of you! You made me scared of myself! How the hell am I suppose to forgive myself when you have pulled out my bad side & made me unafraid of death, but at the same time scared of people finding out the truth within me! How the fuck am I suppose to carry on when you have ruin me?