As I walked through the hallway, clinging to Luke's arm, I could feel everyone's eyes burning holes into my skin. With me being away for two entire weeks, I knew word had probably gotten out. I don't really have friends, but Luke does—stories were bound to be told and rumors spread fast through our school.
I wonder if Luke felt as embarrassed as I did. He was walking with the boy who was admitted to a mental hospital, and a lot of people knew about it. How could you not be embarrassed to walk with the 'psychopath'? The 'crazy' guy? Probably because he knew that wasn't true. I wasn't crazy, no. I was just sick. Not even sick, really—just fat. Despite the dozens of people who probably asked, I trust that Luke kept it a secret. I'd rather be known as the crazy one than have everyone know about my main insecurity.
We walked into our next class. I could still feel the discomfort of everyone's eyes on me when I walked in. I was thankful to have Luke as my safe haven while being judged by the entire class. The worst part is that I thought less about them seeing me as a monster now, and more about whether they'd notice my weight gain.
In the hospital, my eating habits were closely monitored. The amount of food left on my plate was written down for all three meals a day. The less I ate, the longer I would be staying. By my departure at the end of the second week, I had gained a total of eighteen pounds. All the hard work I put in to reach my goal weight was gone down the drain. It would probably take years to lose that weight again. I should've been more appreciative of my weight before I was admitted. I thought I looked like a whale then, it's hard to even look at myself in the mirror now.
Luke and I took our usual seats near the front of the classroom. The back of the room was full of annoying, homophobic jocks. The middle was full of students who hated the jocks, but thought the front was for losers. They reserved those seats for the nerds and teachers pets. Luke and I didn't mind being at the front. We weren't really bothered by anyone, and we had no troubles with our teacher. Today, however, I was quite bothered. It seemed that everyone was staring at me, making their own judgments. If I happened to look in the direction of the eyes I felt boring into my head, no one seemed to be staring. Maybe they were, and quickly turned their heads as I turned mine. Maybe Luke caught them, because he frequently sent sympathetic smiles to me, which I returned. Maybe the teacher caught them, too. Because she sent the same, pitiful smile. She probably knew where I was, and why. Maybe my parents told her. Maybe Luke did.
I couldn't pay attention at all, despite this class—French—being my favorite. All I could think about was the tightness of my once baggy jeans seeming to cut off the circulation of my legs; the shirt that was tight around my stomach and shoulders, covered up by the hoodie I stole from Luke; and the rolls that my stomach folded into when I sat down. I wondered if everyone else in the room thought about it too. I wonder if Luke thought about it.
I heard a whisper from next to me. "Hey." I turned to see that it was Luke. "It's gonna be okay. You look perfect."
How did he always know what was going through my mind? I sent an unconvincing smile to him. He knew I wouldn't accept his compliment, but I could never be angry at him for trying.
Class went by agonizingly slow. I'm pretty sure everyone's eyes were still glued onto me and my bloated body. I tried my hardest to remain completely still aside from my writing movements. I couldn't shake off the fear that too much movement would result in an unnecessary, rude comment. I was afraid to look anywhere but my desk; afraid to ask questions about things I didn't understand; afraid to start a conversation with Luke. The tension in the room was heavy, and I couldn't help but feel as though I was the only one that noticed.
When class only had around three minutes left, everyone began packing up. I did the same, knowing I wouldn't do it if they were all staring at me. This had been the most I had moved all class period. Before I could finish, my teacher laid a folder in front of me and explained that it was my make up work. I saw that coming. I got one from every class.
When the bell finally rang, dismissing class, I was the first one out of my seat. I wanted to avoid the possible comments that could be thrown my way as people passed by me in my desk. Instead of escaping the classroom, I stood at the front of the classroom, right next to the teachers desk and in front of the whiteboard, to wait for Luke. I kept my eyes trained on my blonde beauty. I couldn't risk the chance of making eye contact with the people that were judging me more harshly than before I was admitted. When Luke finally left his desk, I was immediately at his side like a human magnet. Luke was metal, and the predators in the hall kept me attached to him with their eyes. They'd have to pull me off themselves if they ever expected me to move.
"Luke." I stared up at him, still attempting to avoid anyone's gaze. "Can we leave? Like, can we skip the rest of our classes? I've had enough for today..."
He gave me a sympathetic smile, his eyes full of sadness. "Of course. I know you're probably overwhelmed right now anyway, being away for two weeks and all."
I returned a small smile, my body relieving itself of the tension it had been holding all day. Luke and I made our way out the front doors of the school, relieved that there were no staff members there, and we could easily walk out to his car. The walk to the car was silent, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Luke wrapped his arm around my shoulders to keep me close to him and hidden away from the outside world. We threw our bags in the trunk of his car. Luke opened the passenger door for me, and I practically threw myself into the seat. He closed the door, and I closed my eyes, leaning my aching head back against the seat. Once Luke was in as well, a hand was placed on my thigh. "It's gonna be okay, baby."
I could only nod.
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A/N
Here is my shitty first chapter! It's basically just serving as an introductory chapter, but I hope it was enough. Thank you for reading!
