Being Shot

P h o t o #12 - The Boldness Of A Nervous Girl

All the hope that had just built up deflated with a single sentence, and was replaced by an ounce of fury. I ran up to the bratty teen and yanked him by the back of his gray designer long-sleeved shirt. "Oh, hell no. You're coming with me!" I yelled at Elliot, who's eyes were as wide as saucers when he finally turned in my direction, more brown than green as his pupils dilated. The other three boys were just as shocked in my peripheral vision.

Oh angry Emma, how I've missed you so. You were always a part of the ever-so-stickly Emma.

I yanked the tall boy out of the kitchen and into the winding light beige hallway, where we finally had our privacy to talk out the problem that wedged it's way between us. Between whatever kind of relationship we had with each other.

As Elliot and I stood in the hallway, we took in each others features. I realized that Elliot looked even worse than he did before. His eyes were bloodshot and darkly rimmed, the dark tufts of hair on his head were still tangled together in what mimicked a rat's nest, and his usually snarky disposition was completely dissolved into what now seemed to be just utter aloofness. Thinking about it now, though, I probably didn't look too hot either.

At this point I was ready to say what I needed to. "Look, Elliot. I'm sorry for making assumptions. I shouldn't have run away back there. I-"

"Why the hell are you apologizing?" Elliot cut me off, his face covered by his sloppy bangs. From what I could see, the look on his face was one I had never seen before, one I wasn't expecting from him at all. Defeat. I didn't say anything, because I was wondering myself why I was apologizing. After not getting a response from me, Elliot went on. "Didn't you hear what I said? I said some pretty cruel things. I should be the one apologizing. I can't believe I let myself lose my cool there."

"...Why did you say it then?" I asked after a pause, genuinely confused as to why he would say what he did back at the school.

"I've been stressed." He admitted. The air was still for a moment, surrounding us like a protective blanket. All of a sudden he stomped his foot like a child, making my back straighten up a bit in shock. "I know that shouldn't be an excuse. I know." He groaned as he searched for the right words, "You see...some people are like Cooper, they can tell you anything and everything on their mind without a damn second thought. And they won't even have time to think about regretting it either because they're so quick paced about it. But some people are like me, who aren't good with the whole 'speaking up about every little thing bouncing around in your head'. So I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm sorry. Alright?" He paused once again, this time looking me in the eyes, "I'm really sorry, Emma."

Staring at Elliot's beet red face, I couldn't hold back what I was about to do, even if I knew it would come off as a bit rude. I laughed. It started slowly, but then molded into a smooth, relieved laugh. How relieved I was at that moment broke through the still air.

Elliot stared at me, astonished. He probably didn't expect me to suddenly laugh in his face in such an out-of-character manner. Really, uncharacteristic laughing seemed to be finding its way through me a lot lately.

Once I finally calmed myself down, I was able to meet the eyes that never left mine. I gazed at him for a moment, realizing just how much better I, myself, had been feeling since the day I had met these boys in more ways than one. At first I didn't want to admit it, but then I knew that I could consider them as genuine friends, even though our friendship had it's issues. Friendships weren't meant to be perfect. There will be fighting, crying, yelling, and the almighty drama, of course. But there will be upsides to the problems, surely more upsides than the down altogether. I had forgotten that these upsides were what made the downsides worth going through, and after the issues are resolved, the upsides would come on ten times stronger. I was glad that these boys were the ones to invite friendship back into my life after so many years of shutting it out.

My head then went to how much I had changed just in these short two months that I've known these boys. At the time of my first day of senior year, I had planned to stay as far away from people as possible, as I did any other year. I was going to stick with my camera and computer and shut everyone out as always. I was an introvert, and still am to some extent, I'd guess. But these few weeks have changed my whole demeanor and outlook on things. Now I'm actually glad to see these boys everyday. We may have had small fights or petty arguments when our opinions clashed, but in the end we've pulled through. My grandmother had even pointed out how much better I had been doing lately.

I hadn't even realized that my old self was showing it's true colors again. Oh, how much I have changed.

I smiled up at him after this revelation. Elliot continued to just stare down at me, still confused by the silence that laced the atmosphere in the hallway. Finally, he decided to break the silence then. "Uhh, so, what do you say?"

"Hm?" I asked, now my turn to be confused once brought back to reality.

"D-Do you accept my apology or what?" Elliot inquired, a bit irritated. He was already becoming his old self again.

I couldn't help but smile at how awful he was at apologizing. "I guess I do."

"Really?" Elliot pressed on, still not convinced. He probably still thought I was in stickler mode. You'd think with his wealth and popularity he'd have a bit more smarts in this category than most.

I nodded, then started heading back towards the kitchen door. Suddenly coming to a halt, I remembered one last thing I wanted to say to the bewildered boy. "You know, Elliot," I began, catching his attention from his dazed daydreaming look. "You never said hate, did you? So that just means dislike." I stopped to turn and face him, his face still showing uncertainty at my words. I grinned at that. I had gotten him there. "So that just means I have to turn your dislike into like, right?"

I turned back around, leaving him with those last, bold words I had just uttered. I was actually proud of myself for once. I actually had a smidge of confidence! For the first time in years I actually felt good about myself! The smile on my face couldn't be doused at that moment, I was just too happy with myself. That was a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time, either.

And finally, I made my way into the kitchen, my last thoughts lingering on how much I really had to thank these boys for.