What A Kiss Is

Chapter Sixteen

“I’ll take care of it.”

His shoulders fall, just slightly. “Antony…”

“I said I’ll take care of it,” I snap. I grab my computer, and head to my room. Time to shower off.

But mostly, time to get out of this room and away from Dad. Does this make me immature? Maybe. I don’t care.

- - -

Amber’s working on some project with Brit this morning, leaving me on the back of Dad’s boat by myself.

My phone rings in my pocket in what I hope is the signal that Amber’s ready to come over.

“Dude! You were in New York and you didn’t call, man!”

“David. You don’t live in New York anymore.” I shouldn’t feel twinges of disappointment that it’s David instead of Amber.

“I was there, Antony.” He’s pulling his guilt thing. “Visiting.”

How do I tell him I didn’t want to see anyone? “Sorry.”

“Trace hasn’t heard from you at all. Gem only saw you because she said you two ran into each other, and that’s the only reason I even knew you were there. Two weeks ago! We were online yesterday and you still didn’t say anything. What’s up?”

“Yeah, well…” I’m falling for the girl you told me not to waste my time on.

“So, what’s holding you?” David’s voice sounds more serious.

Amber’s walking up the dock. I start to smile at her until I realize she has tears streaming down her face. The sight of her red eyes twists my gut. “I gotta go, David.”

“Antony.”

“We’ll talk. Maybe I’ll come down for a few days, but right now I gotta go.”

“Okay. You know if you need to talk or something…”

“Oh no.” I try to laugh. “You’re not allowed to get all deep on me.”

It’s the perfect thing to say. David laughs, and I hang up as I jump off the back of Dad’s boat to take Amber in my arms.

Her body shakes against me, breaking me apart. But I’m practically an expert of pushing away things I don’t want to feel.

“I’m so sorry,” I say. I have no idea what happened, but I’ve never seen her like this. It also makes me realize that without meaning to, I’m relying on her a lot more than I should because I don’t want her to be sad. She keeps me afloat, helps me to have the strength to push through every day, to ignore the cracking, aching in my chest.

Her arms wrap around me more tightly, and the only thing I know how to do is to hold her. I need it as badly as she does.

- - -

I’m sitting on the back deck of Dad’s boat, Amber pressed tightly under my arm.

“I finally heard from my dad, and he doesn’t want…” but her voice stops.

Because I’m total crap in these situations I just squeeze her closer, stroking my hand up and down her arm.

“He said it’s not a good time for us to get to know one another.” Her hand comes up to wipe her face again.

“Shit. I’m sorry.” What else am I supposed to do? My heart aches for her right now, so much that words won’t come. Or at least that’s my excuse. Because if I really let myself feel this, I’m wondering what else might leak out.