The Misadventures of Marvin Miller

The Fieldtrip Failure Part 1

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Newfane Middle School Newsletter: May 31st

A Special Thanks: Parents, remember all the hard work that goes into your child's education beyond the classroom! Thanks to Judy Taylor and Ethel Morton for all their efforts in the cafeteria. And a special thanks to bus driver Beverly Snipe for constant bravery in the face of chaos. Beverly decided to retire after this year's seventh-grade fieldtrip. We wish her the best of luck in the future.

Seventh Grade Fieldtrip (Principal's Note): We apologize for the incident which occurred during the seventh-grade field trip to Johnson Farm and Perry's Ice Cream Factory on May 29th. While no one was harmed or injured during the incident, offer our official apologies to all the parents whose children were involved. Money will be provided for any damaged clothing. Please contact Secretary Daisy Lynch in the main office for assistance.

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Okay, I admit it. I ruined the fieldtrip. It's not like a secret or anything, given the fact that it happened in front of every single kid in the seventh grade, not to mention two teachers and a bus driver!

Also, a few of my so-called friends took pictures with their phones. So, I guarantee there's a video of the biggest mistake of my life floating around the Internet right now. Instead of starting the summer playing basketball, I'm grounded for the next two weeks. My whole summer is ruined. I'm the laughingstock of the school. Sharon Anderson will never speak to me again. But worst of all, come September, I'll be the only guy in the eighth grade who still doesn't have a girlfriend.

It may sound like I'm exaggerating, but what I did was horrifying and I live in a really really small town. We've got like thirty farms around here, but only one stoplight, and even that isn't a real stoplight. It blinks outside the fire department and only makes cars stop when there's a fire or a parade.

There are only twelve kids in my class right now, and those are the same twelve kids who have been with me since kindergarten. To be honest, there are fifteen of us, but three of those kids are Karen, Sharon, and Erin, the triplets. I probably shouldn't admit this, but up until a few weeks ago, I counted them as one person.

I should blame the fieldtrip disaster on Cody, since he's the one who started the whole "girlfriend project" in the first place. He said, "Marvin, we have to act fast. Next year, we'll be in eighth grade. The eighth graders hold the homecoming dance the first week of school. We can't go to the dance without dates."

I ignored him. Cody McCall is my best friend, but he's been girl crazy ever since kindergarten. I tend to ignore him when he talks like this and remind him it's much more fun to play a game of hoops with the guys than hang out with a bunch of giggling girls all day. I was about to say exactly that, but then my friend Dan chimed in.

"Cody's right, Marvin," Dan said. I always try to listen closely to Dan because he doesn't run his mouth all the time like I do. When he says something, it's usually important.

"Really?" I raised my eyebrows. "Who are you going to ask out then?"

"This girl Maggie. She goes to school at St. Joes," Dan shrugged like it was no big deal. Except we all knew it was. Dan paused for a minute, the way he does when he's about to say something particularly meaningful.

Finally, he said, "You've got to find someone, Marvin. My older brother Jeff is going to graduate high school next year and he's been going with his girlfriend since they were in sixth grade. He says only losers don't have girlfriends."

"Yeah," Cody laughed. "Like those guys who hang out alone smoking under the bleachers during football games." He elbowed me in the ribs, "You don't want to turn out like one of them, do you, Marvin?"