Sickness and Health

The Beginning

It's been two days since I tried to commit suicide. Two days of misery, false well-wishes, and sympathy of the unsympathetic. I've had more texts and letters and emails in two days than I have in two years. Though I'm surrounded by people, I've never felt more alone in my life. And here I lay, emotionless in my empty bed, writing out the excruciating details of my pathetic existence. I'm lost for words as to what I've become. I suppose I should start from the day everything went wrong.
It was Wednesday, May 10th, and I had already had a build up of drama from the prior days due to a very simple misunderstanding among friends. What had happened was my boyfriend, Ethan and I had plans to have a relaxing night separate from each other but to play a game together. His friend, Courtney, called him, apparently upset and desperately needed to speak to Ethan. I was upset because he had broken plans with me twice in a week and this was the third time. I admittedly acted childishly and proceeded to vent to someone who I thought was my friend, Axel. We talked about how Ethan and Courtney had liked one another in the past and how Axel knew she still liked my boyfriend. I was livid, so I screenshot the text and delivered it to her along with a string of nasty texts and things. Then this proceeded to cause drama amongst Axel and Courtney, who both blamed me for the entire thing. My boyfriend chose to blame me for it as well, which really hurt to not have the one and only person I need to be on my side, on my side.
Anyway, on the Wednesday Ethan and I had plans to hang out and go on a date like couples usually do. Now, we are both 19 and he used to have a car but it broke down. His mother is an overbearing hover mom and hates the fact that I breathe the same oxygen as her perfect son, and she refused to drive him, thus breaking plans again. I was okay with this until he stated that he was going into town to hang out with our mutual friends, Kita and Shy. I asked if I could come, and he said yes at first, but then quickly changed his mind to say that his mom would drive him home if I were there.
This was the straw that broke the camel's back. I had had enough games and being played by everyone and being made out to look the bad guy. I had talked about suicide many times before but I had never come so close to actually doing it. I grabbed my purse, my phone, 15 Ativan pills, 10 codeine pills, and 13 Amoxicillin pills and left my empty home.