All of the Stars

Chapter Three

MY PARENTS ONLY VAGUELY disapproved of the late-night drives I took that had no actual destination. I let myself be part of Indianapolis' never-ending movements; let the darkness take me wherever it would. And although they never made any motion to keep me from doing so, I still continued to feel the uneasiness drifting in the air when I would arrive home in the early hours of the morning.

It began not long before I received the much-awaited driver's license. I had been extremely persistent to pass the test, despite having to take it more than once; but Mom was hesitant about the whole ordeal, offering to drive me whenever and wherever I liked. Although I knew my skills in that department were not as good as any other seventeen-year-old, the longing to get away, to stop being 'Gus with the cancer' or 'Gus with the prosthetic leg'-of being Augustus Waters altogether-took over any offer I'd ever been given.

The bookstore attached to the mall stayed open until midnight, giving way to the students in the nearby community college who needed their caffeine fix provided by the little coffee shop-which had only been installed upon the numerous petitions of the previous classes of MCC-before they turned in their paper due in a mere few hours.

The rather deserted bookstore erupted in sound as I pushed open the door and a little golden bell attached to its frame signaled my presence. The clerk at the cashier, as well as the boy behind the coffee counter were already prepared to doze off, but the ring of the bell had bolted them only partially awake. I walked towards the clerk, whose face I only very slightly recognized at a few parties and whose eyes had traveled to my odd gait.

I cleared my throat once I neared her. She shook her head lightly and plastered a practiced smile on her face. "How may I help you, sir?"

"I'm looking for An Imperial Affliction?" My voice rose at the end, making it sound more like a question rather than a statement. "Do you think you'd have a copy here?" I asked.

After seconds of typing in the words, a series of numbers and codes appearing on the screen, she had offered to fetch the copy from its place on a shelf buried at the back of the store. I waited where I stood and balanced a couple of bills through the narrow edge of the counter.

Once she returned, I took the book instantly, and dropped the bills atop the HAPPY TO SERVE YOU sign. I told her to keep the change, muttered a quick and emotionless thank you and went on my way, feeling her eyes and the coffee boy's stare burning behind my back. And I realized the reason for the wandering I did at night-to clear my head from those who misunderstood, from the endless and meaningless empathy, and from the feeling of abnormality-the feeling of being painfully different.

 

☆

One of the general rules of being a potentially permanent sick person is to be allowed to sleep in without any disturbance. I was allowed two off-days from school every month-an agreement between my parents and myself after deciding I had to continue with my oh-so-important education-but I had already used both days off (which have only led to spending hours in the basement, unsuccessfully saving pixelated civilians and blowing up my own character with the bomb I had set up) and had no choice but to go to class and put all my energy in trying not to fall asleep.

After the previous night's sort-of-misadventure, I stayed up pretty late until the early hours of the morning. The story synopsis kind of threw me off-finding out that the story's main character (and also narrator) had a rare-blood cancer and decides to create her own charity-because it highly reminded me of the cancer books I put so much effort into avoiding. But I was reminded that this was Hazel Grace's favorite book, and she was a smart girl who didn't really seem like the I-have-cancer-therefore-I'm-going-to-read-cancer-books type of person; so I had to give it a chance.