When I Look At You ****IN EDITING****

Chapter One: I Don't Care If I Die Alone

***Two Months Later***

I manage to wake up this morning, each day becomes harder and harder to do so. I usually sleep all day, the only time I answer my phone is for Jax's parents, or Brad. Ive lost about ten pounds, I hardly eat anymore. Brad has been taking real good care of me, but I know that he is busy and cannot always be there. Im not too thrilled about today, Brad is taking me to live with his friend Harry a little ways away. Brad told me he needs to take care of some things and I cant be at the house. But I trust Brad, and if he says this Harry guy is to trust then I will.

I finish tying my Keds and head downstairs.

Brad is in the kitchen cleaning up from making breakfast and I see that my plate is on the table. I'm so lucky to have Brad, our dad went to prison when Brad was eighteen and then our mom just up and left. Yes he may have this scary "im a bad-ass" facade, but he really is a teddy bear. Just dont let him hear you say that. I eat a piece of bacon and nibble on some toast. I drink down my orange juice and get up from the table. He grabs my plate and looks kind of upset, I know he hates that I dont eat hardly anymore. I used to eat all the time, I swear there was no one who could eat more than I could. He doesnt say anything though, and Im glad for that.

"Okay lets get going." Brad says grabbing the car keys.

"Im still not happy about this you know." I say giving him a look.

"Im sorry Ava, I dont want you to go either, but I have to do some things and I dont want you around for it okay? You have to trust me." He says to me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Alright." I sigh.

"Now give me a smile." he says smiling at me.

I try not to, but I cant help but smile back.

"Now there we go. Beautiful." He says kissing me on my forehead.

We get into his car and start to drive.

"Ava, I have filled Harry and his friends on what has happened, even though Im sure they heard it on the news. Now, I wont be able to call you and you call me, but you may write me letters and I hope you do."

We get to the flat and Brad shuts the engine off. We walk up to the door and knock and soon enough a very tall and handsome boy answers the door.

"Hey Skull, come on in." he says glancing over at me.

His voice is insanely deep, not what you would expect really.

We make it to the living room and I see three other boys sitting on the couch. The one with the darkest hair was watching something on television, the one wearing no socks was texting or something and the one with a buzz cut was listening to music.

"Hey guys, I want you to meet someone." he says clapping his hands together, getting their attention.

They all look up and the only one who seems to have any sort of reaction by our being here is the dark haired one. He looks a little freaked out honestly but at the same time excited.

"Oh my god its Skull." He says not quite sure what to do with himself.

"You know him?" Harry asks a look of confusion on his face.

"Well yea, my question is how do you?" Zayn asks still freaking out a bit.

"Ill explain that later." Harry says averting his attention back to Brad and I. "So anyways yes this is my friend Skull and this is his sister Ava, she will being staying with us for a bit."

"Hi, Ava." They all chime in at once.

I dont say anything, I just put my hand up signaling hello. Im just not myself anymore.

"Yo Niall, get your Irish ass out here!" Harry yells.

Immediately after a boy walks out and im taken aback. The first thing I notice are his piercing blue eyes and beautiful blonde hair that fades into brown and set in a perfect quiff. He is wearing an over sized tank top, which shows off his very defined tanned arms. In all honesty, the first thing that comes to mind is flawless. Just flawless.

"Well who is this lovely lady?" the blonde boy asks in a very thick Irish accent.

"This is Ava, she is going to be staying with us for a while. This is her brother Skull." Harry says introducing us.

He look so familiar, I know Ive seen him somewhere, all of them. And then it hits me.

*FLASHBACK*

"Man these One Direction fellows seem to be real popular. They have an apartment here, did you know that Ava?" Jax asks me, motioning me towards the couch.

I sit down next to him wrapping my arm around his waist and look at the five boys on the screen.

"You think any of them are attractive Ava?" Jax asks looking at me.

"I guess the blonde one is quite adorable." I say. "But not as adorable as you." I say poking his nose.

"And by the way Jax my love, its called a flat here, not an apartment." I giggle.

"You shush." he smiles.

"The blonde one is Irish, thats neat." he says still seeming intrigued by this boy band sensation.

"Do you have a crush on these young men?" I ask teasing him.

"No! I only have eyes for you." he says.

*END FLASHBACK*

Ah yes, One Direction. Then it sinks in that Im going to be living with famous people, not just famous people, but the biggest boy band on the planet. Remembering that makes my heart hurt, I almost want to cry. But I wont, I dont want to scare these people.

"Well Ava, I need to go, but ill write you." Brad says turning to me.

"Okay." I say my voice breaking.

"You'll be okay here, they will take care of you, and they know what will happen if they dont." He says looking up at Harry.

All of the other boys became uneasy and took a few steps back. It makes me laugh when people are afraid of him.

"I love you Ava. Be good."

"Love you too Brad." I say hugging him.

He says goodbye to everyone else and walks out the door. I just kind of stand there, not quite sure what to say or do.

"Well Ava, im Harry, and thats Louis, Zayn, Liam and Niall." he says pointing out each one of the boys.

"Glad to have you here." Liam says smiling at me.

"Thanks, um where is my room?" I ask.

"Oh Niall show Ava to her room will you?" Harry says looking at Niall.

"Yea come with me." He says winking.

For some odd reason, when he winked at me my heart fluttered. I decide to just push that aside and focus on getting to my room.

All I want to do is sleep, thats all I ever want to do anymore. I think I love to sleep because thats where I can be with Jax.

"Well here it is." he says showing me the room.

"Thanks." I say beginning to put my things away.

"Do uh, do you need anything?" He asks awkwardly.

"No thanks, I think im going to go to sleep for a bit. But thanks." I say not making eye contact.

"Alright, well if you need anything let us know, were happy to help." he says opening the door to leave.

"Thanks." I say undoing the bed covers.

I get under the sheets and think about what life is going to be like here. I dont like how I feel when Im around Niall, it upsets me. I dont want to think about anyone other than Jax. He was the one I wanted, the only one I will ever want. I dont care if I die alone.