Jessie Hathaway Against the Universe

Pills

*please take note that this chapter contains triggering topics*
My mother says I have no choice in the matter. Either I'm crazy or not. From where she stands, I guess I am.
Seven months ago I attempted suicide. Key word, attempted.
My plan was simple enough. Take some pills and end it. At the time, I wasn't thinking about the bottle of vodka I had emptied just minutes before. All I could do was smile.  
The paramedics told my mom she was lucky. If it had been water, I'd surely be gone. I would have died on my bathroom floor quietly, without protest or anguish. I would have just been dead, dead and happy. Instead I ended up alive and in the hospital.
When I finally was released, with strict orders to take my meds daily and speak with a physiatrist, I wasn't sure if I was happy or not. I had to go back to school, no more playing hookie at the hospital.
As the car pulled into our driveway, my mom shifted to face me, "Jessie" she whispered. "Yeah mom" I answered stiffly, not knowing if she was going to address what had happened in the past couple of months. You see, mom and I hadn't really discussed anything in awhile. I was too busy trying to handle the fact that I tried to kill myself and, I guess, so was she.
"I want to move," she spoke calmly, "I don't think this place is good for either of us. And I can't keep walking into that house knowing I almost lost you." I closed my eyes and tried not to cry. She couldn't see me like that, I just got out of the hospital.
I couldn't decide if I wanted to move. In a way, I did. Maybe a change of scenery was exactly what I needed. Maybe I could get better. But problems are portable, and they fit inside your luggage.
A couple weeks after my mother's announcement, we moved to a small town in the suburbs of Boston. It was cold and every house was decorated with Christmas lights. Our new place was at the end of the road. The paint was chipped and the mailbox read "The Smiths", they must have lived here before us.
When I opened the door, it was warm inside. The lights weren't on, so I felt the wall for a switch and found one after a couple seconds of searching. I flipped it, and smiled sadly at what I saw. The house was empty, from what I could see at least.
I turned my head towards my mom, "Where's all the furniture?" I asked, trying to hide my disappointment with confusion. She smiled slightly and shook her head. "Don't worry baby, it's coming."
At that we started carrying our bags in, mom and I didn't bring much, only the essentials. Clothes, shoes, toothbrushes, pictures. Stuff like that. We decided to leave all our furniture behind, mom said something about redecorating, but I think it just reminded her too much of what had happened. It didn't bother me, so I never mentioned it.
"So where are we going to sleep?" I'm guessing there aren't any beds either. Maybe we'll stay at a hotel or something.
"Oh there are mattresses upstairs. I made sure they were here before us, so we wouldn't have to sleep on the floor" With that said I started up the stairs ready to finally sleep. But before I got to the top, I stopped and turned.
"Hey mom" I called. She walked in from the kitchen and smiled, "Yes?"
And for once I smiled back, "Thanks....for everything." Her blue eyes, the ones she gave me, filled with tears, but she chuckled anyways as she said, "I will always give you everything, my love, and I'm so sorry that you didn't see that before."
A moment of silence passed between us, and the tears finally came. I rushed down the stairs as a sob escaped her chapped lips. When I reached the last step, I held her tight, not knowing what else to do. Trying to show her I was real, that I was still alive.
"Mom, I'm still here. I'm alive....I'm alive. It's okay. I won't try to leave again. I promise....I promise." I whispered in between her trembling.
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Hey guys. Thanks for reading my story. It really means a lot. I'm not a professional, so I don't expect my writing to be amazing I just think it's fun to do. Please remember that I'm always open to talk if you need it or not. Please keep reading that would mean a lot. And please remember that I don't agree with all of my characters views and thoughts. I only write certain things to create my characters' personalities. I love you. See you next chapter I guess.
-gaby