Thoughts and shit?

I'm honestly scaring myself at this point.

Quick note: I'm that kind of person, you can fuck up so much I'll cry for weeks but still forgive you. I care too much about everyone, their feelings, how my actions might hurt them. But I've had these episodes the past few weeks, where I just don't care.

How I think when these episodes happen:

Why even bother treating shitty people with respect? They don't fucking deserve it, besides, all humans are fucked up and no one gets what they want. We're all gonna fucking die anyway, so why go out of my way to please everyone else? They don't matter. They're just humans, I'm just a human. And humans are destroying the planet, slaughering animals and nature. We're disgusting. Humans don't matter, we fuck everything up. I wanna get into a fight with someone, I wanna get bruised, I wanna hurt them. I want them to hurt me. I want my skin to be purple, brown, red, yellow and blue. We're all just a bunch of idiots, running around with our heads up our own asses. Why the fuck should I care about their feelings? They clearly don't care about mine, besides, we're all gonna end the same place when we die. We're all worth nothing.

I wanna push my friends away from me, just to feel the pain of losing them. But like,,, I'll get over it? It's the same with death, if my classmate died, I'd be sad and all,, but I'd forget about it and get over it. 

//Note; If any of my mutuals are reading this, don't confront me about this shit.//